Actually…

It’s his loss!  He is the one who is  missing out.

He’s missing out on the fun of being with me.

He is missing out on the fun of looking for a new place to live

He is missing out on the fun of mixing with our friends (who he has ignored for the last 12 months).

He is missing out on the fun.

And I am worth more than this!   If he is miserable then more fool him for leaving me.

Sundays

Actually Sunday’s are Cr*p!  Especially when I spend the whole day on my own.

And especially if I have been out the night before and had a really good time.  It’s the contrast which is so horrific.  I am not a ‘be on my own’ sort of person.

And Why did they show Runaway Bride on the TV this afternoon – it made me cry.

And given the lovely weather what on earth was I doing indoors anyway!!  Actually I did do a load of gardening and I cleared out the greenhouse.

And I went for a lovely peaceful walk around our local reservoir early this morning.  It is a really tranquil place – I adore it.  The sun glistening on the water – it was particularly magical this morning.

My poem

The joy you brought to my life
For the years we were together
The fun we had; the trips we made –
They will stay with me forever.

I thought you were enjoying life
And happy with what we‘d built
Your tender touch and warm embrace
I never realised it was only guilt.

I love you my dear husband
My lover; my best friend
To you I turned – you were always there
I thought it would never end.

But now someone else has caught your eye
And now you are torn in two
She stamped all over our wedded life
And now it seems we’re through

You say she is so warm and kind
For your happiness is all she cares
So why’s she so keen to turn your head
and trap you with her snares?

For I am kind and loving too
I am your loving wife
Those vows I made – I mean them still
I married you for life.

But I can’t compete with this novelty
With that fire that sparks such joy
That new desire when all else fades
That makes the man become a boy.

I miss you with every breath I take
I cry till my body aches.
The nightmare of each waking hour
The hurt as my body breaks.

So goodbye my beloved husband
Farewell to the fun we had
We could have found even greater love
From a start that wasn’t bad.

But you have to want it too
To want to be with me
And work to repair these last long months
And then to find  – you love me.

Legal stuff..

Every time I receive a letter from my solicitor with an update from Alex’s solicitor I feel as though I have been stabbed through the heart yet again.

He states: “The marriage has broken down”

Another nail whammed into the coffin of my marriage.

Well until he met ‘the other woman’ we were talking (I thought).  We were laughing and getting on OK.

I just don’t understand

AND

I SO DON’T WANT THIS ENDING.