I should have listened – really listened

My lakeside walk this morning has been very beneficial.

Not just for the tranquility and serenity of the surroundings but for something that has finally dawned.  This is not been a very pleasant revelation but one I must face.

I don’t listen.  Oh I hear the words but I am far too quick to put my own spin on what’s being said and I only heard what I wanted to hear.

I have a horrible suspicion that Alex did try to talk to me but gave up as I refused  – or was not prepared – to really listen.  No wonder he sought comfort elsewhere.  No wonder he felt it wasn’t working for him.

I know I am not a controlling and horrible person.  BUT given the fact that Alex came from a family where only his mother’s views prevailed and he and his siblings have all grown up very diffident and unable to express themselves in a calm assertive manner then no wonder we ended up in this mess.

I have two VERY assertive brothers – both of whom hold very strongly to their points of view and who – when we were growing up – often made me feel that my views were not worth considering.  I have a nasty suspicion that with Alex I found someone who always agreed with me and so I became the very thing I dislike in my brothers.

Yuck!  This has not been very pleasant to face.

Sadly it may well be too late for Alex and me.  I have no idea if I can put things right.

And he did try to make me listen.  He has kept saying to me over the last 17 months that he couldn’t talk to me.  Blimey I really wouldn’t listen to this ‘cry’ for attention.  This plea for me to listen.

If I could turn the clock back I would – knowing what I do now.

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