My lakeside walk this morning has been very beneficial.
Not just for the tranquility and serenity of the surroundings but for something that has finally dawned. This is not been a very pleasant revelation but one I must face.
I don’t listen. Oh I hear the words but I am far too quick to put my own spin on what’s being said and I only heard what I wanted to hear.
I have a horrible suspicion that Alex did try to talk to me but gave up as I refused – or was not prepared – to really listen. No wonder he sought comfort elsewhere. No wonder he felt it wasn’t working for him.
I know I am not a controlling and horrible person. BUT given the fact that Alex came from a family where only his mother’s views prevailed and he and his siblings have all grown up very diffident and unable to express themselves in a calm assertive manner then no wonder we ended up in this mess.
I have two VERY assertive brothers – both of whom hold very strongly to their points of view and who – when we were growing up – often made me feel that my views were not worth considering. I have a nasty suspicion that with Alex I found someone who always agreed with me and so I became the very thing I dislike in my brothers.
Yuck! This has not been very pleasant to face.
Sadly it may well be too late for Alex and me. I have no idea if I can put things right.
And he did try to make me listen. He has kept saying to me over the last 17 months that he couldn’t talk to me. Blimey I really wouldn’t listen to this ‘cry’ for attention. This plea for me to listen.
If I could turn the clock back I would – knowing what I do now.