The Bestiary

It really is a very good CD.  I had forgotten.

The tracks are full of wisdom – given with wonderful, gentle humour.

Flanders and Swann had a brilliant knack of summing up important points in life in their cleverly constructed lyrics and melodies.

Tracks like “The Sloth” viewing life from upside down:
“making a smile of very frown”

“The armadillo” –
“Never tell a man the truth about the one that he adores”

And the lullaby to a sea horse is just plain beautiful.

I appear to be wallowing rather this weekend – lots more tears last night and this morning.  Still at least I managed to sleep past the 3.00am slot which is a plus.  3.00am is a ‘killer’ – the world is a bleak place and my mind goes to very dark and dismal places at 3.00am and I have seen so many of those over these last 17 months.  In fact I could almost count on the fingers of one had the nights I have managed to sleep through the 2.00 – 4.00 am slot.

If I wasn’t me I would be saying “She’s not taking this at all well!”

People say I am coping and doing well – I wish I thought so too.

Perhaps I am.  Perhaps I am expecting too much of myself.  But if I don’t then no-one else will and really if I am going to get through this – and I AM determined I will – I have to ‘tick myself off’ when I seem to be sinking back into my pit of despair.

At the divorce support group I went to for 10 weeks we had to draw a ‘road map’ showing where we felt we were at the beginning and then the end of the sessions.   And then where we ultimately wanted to be.   I feel as if I have been in reverse these last few days.

OK I know it’s probably to do with the Decree Nisi and I know IT IS only a piece of paper.  BUT IT MATTERS!

End of ramble – I am off for an early morning walk

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