And to those reading this latest post you are seeing everything in reverse – you catch my latest musings and feelings, unaware of what has gone before. Unaware of why I am here writing this at 7.00am having not slept – AGAIN – and not sure if these are just the writings of one more dumped human being trying to come to terms with her situation – or maybe this is something more.
I want it to be something more. I hope it will be. So maybe I have to bare my soul more than I have. I will think about it. Up to now I have kept details of my marriage and its sudden catastrophic breakdown fairly minimal here on my blog. Partly because it has just been too painful to go over and partly to protect the identity of those involved.
In the meantime:
I have been reading various books recently by those who have been through what I am going through now.
There is such a temptation to apply their outcome to mine. To see their outcome as the inevitable outcome of my situation and so to jump to the future – their future – and see it as where mine should be.
But every marriage and every situation is unique. Unique to those going it through it. Unique in every way.
So whereas it is useful to read these books – as they give hope, it is not advisable to apply or see their ‘road’ as yours. What happened to them, their partner, their partner’s behaviour and reaction will not be mine. I have to go through this on my own and just take heart that I will come through as others have.