So I have had two sessions of 2 hours now. And it’s good.
Things I have learnt:
My fundamental needs in a relationship are (1) to feel and be loved and (2) to feel significant.
Were these being met by Alex – If I am honest – in the last few months – No! Not as much as I needed. Reason: Alex’s fundamental needs were not being met by me so he withdrew giving me mine – result lack of growth in the relationship, boredom and a bit of a stalemate.
Now this doesn’t mean that the only solution is to go our separate ways. I need to understand his fundamental needs and he mine and then we have to learn how to meet each others – as we did when we were first together.
I have also come up with Solutions table!
|1||Happy Together||√||√||Good||Both of us in love and content and happy in our relationship. Alex not feeling guilty. Caroline happy not distraught|
|2||Happy Apart||√||√||Good||Alex no longer needs to feel guilty. Caroline no longer distraught. Both happy to look to their own futures.|
|3||Happy together||X||√||Bad||Alex feels guilty and is unhappy. Feels something is missing. Although happy Caroline knows something is wrong and things could be better.|
|4||Happy together||√||X||Bad||Caroline not getting the love she needs|
|5||Happy Apart||√||X||Bad||Alex feeling very guilty. Caroline distraught|
|6||Happy Apart||X||√||Bad||Alex unhappy. Caroline feels guilty at letting Alex down|
|7||Happy Together||X||X||Bad||Both feeling situation is wrong. Could be solved by working together for either (1) or (2) above.|
|8||Happy Apart||X||X||Bad||Both feeling situation is wrong Could be solved by working together for either (1) or (2) above.|