Relationship coaching

So I have had two sessions of 2 hours now.  And it’s good.

Things I have learnt:

My fundamental needs in a relationship are (1) to feel and be loved and (2) to feel significant.

Were these being met by Alex – If I am honest – in the last few months – No!  Not as much as I needed.  Reason:  Alex’s fundamental needs were not being met by me so he withdrew giving me mine – result lack of growth in the relationship, boredom and a bit of a stalemate.

Now this doesn’t mean that the only solution is to go our separate ways.  I need to understand his fundamental needs and he mine and then we have to learn how to meet each others – as we did when we were first together.

I have also come up with Solutions table!

Scenario Alex Me Result Mental State
1 Happy Together Good Both of us in love and content and happy in our relationship.  Alex not feeling guilty.  Caroline happy not distraught
2 Happy Apart Good Alex no longer needs to feel guilty.  Caroline no longer distraught.  Both happy to look to their own futures.
3 Happy together X Bad Alex feels guilty and is unhappy.  Feels something is missing.  Although happy Caroline knows something is wrong and things could be better.
4 Happy together X Bad Caroline not getting the love she needs
5 Happy Apart X Bad Alex feeling very guilty.  Caroline distraught
6 Happy Apart X Bad Alex unhappy.  Caroline feels guilty at letting Alex down
7 Happy Together X X Bad Both feeling situation is wrong.  Could be solved by working together for either  (1) or (2) above.
8 Happy Apart X X Bad Both feeling situation is wrong  Could be solved by working together for either  (1) or (2) above.

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