I’m in a new and better place!

About eight weeks ago I was in a place that I knew I could no longer tolerate.  Moving out of it was so daunting, so terrifying that actually doing something about it was almost too much to handle.


I KNEW, I couldn’t go on.  That is when I decided I would try Life Coaching. I had tried just about everything else!!

To be totally frank and honest the first 4 sessions were interesting but I began to wonder if there was any point.  I can’t say I enjoyed them  – in fact, on a couple of occasions, I very nearly “bolted” and gave up.  I cried quite a bit as I discovered versions of me that I wasn’t that comfortable with.

However session number 5 proved to be a breakthrough.

The thunder cloud that had lived over my head for the last 18 months started to lift, the sky started to clear and a patch of blue appeared on the horizon.

I slept – dear reader – I slept!   For the first time in 18 months I have slept for 6 nights out of the last 7!!  And together with the sleep, the turmoil, the angst is at last going.  I am finally getting my life back.

My future definitely has the chance of being “Orange”  as the advert used to say!

I do feel that a very large weight has been removed from my head!

As to my future with Alex.  I now see that either future has to be acceptable.  Yes it is still indescribably sad that our marriage has come to an end.  But I can only be responsible for me and my future.

I have to cut us free.  Stop this  state of limbo.  And I have to tell him!  Tough.  But I can’t go on any longer deciding that I will make my mind up on some fictitious date in the future which I then don’t stick to!.   Finally the present has caught up with the future.  The future is now and now is when I have to do it. And he is going to miss out big time on my future!!!  Of that I am determined.

This week’s homework is to set myself some goals.  I have decided to create two lists.  Short term goals and long term  – higher flying ones!

Already I have one short-term goal:  To hold a thank you dinner party for all those friends who have fed me, propped me up and listened to my interminable mutterings as I have struggled to find my route out  the pit I was in.  And it will be a fun party.  We will  have food, drink and music!

I am well aware I am not through all the angst yet- not totally.  But at least now I can see the possibilities!  And at last I seem to be able to stop myself going back to the horrors that my mind seemed to churn through at 3.00am!  At last I seem to be able to control my mind!

So I am glad I took that leap into the unknown.  I know I have a brighter future. I know I can be the me I want to be!

Good grief!!!  What a day!



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