Just when I thought…….

I was doing OK I seem to be able to put myself back. It’s almost as if I prefer being miserable.  Which I don’t!

So why – I ask myself – did I

1) Put my wedding ring back on
2) Sit down and remind myself of all the good times
3) Not stick to keeping my values in mind
4) Justify my actions to myself

which resulted in

5) Crying

I need my head tested.

It’s so fragile this happiness at the moment and I get so upset with myself when I dip.  I want to go back to the euphoric state I was in 2 weeks ago when I just laughed and bounced all the time.  Well maybe not that level (too difficult to sustain) but at least an inner contentment with my situation.  And that’s what I don’t have just now.

I have this burning desire for more.  But I don’t know what.

I really don’t like being on my own this evening.

I miss so much of being married.  Apart from the obvious of being made love to (and  please  – no suggestions of alternatives!). I miss the companionship, the sharing, and so much more.

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