Life Coaching can be tough

And it is!  But sometimes  it has to be to work.

Yesterday was really tough.  I cried a lot.    I cried on the way home.  In fact I cried most of the day.

But he was right.  I had to face the truth.  The deep down truth.  The truth that I had blocked out, that I didn’t want to face, that I had avoided.  That Alex had lied and cheated and that I had let him do so.  By not standing up to him in the beginning (and I didn’t because I didn’t want to lose him) I allowed the situation to carry on.  He soon realised (if not consciously then sub-consciously) that he could do what he liked and ‘get away with it’.  And I’ve lost him anyway. So what did I gain?  Probably just extra months of heartache.

I will never understand why the man I married did this to me.  But I am beginning to accept I may never know.  Maybe he doesn’t even know himself.

So why did I cry.  I think from honest grieving at the end of my marriage.  Maybe it’s part of the final letting go and looking forward.

One of my fears – the strongest – is being on my own. I really do hate being on my own.  But – as was pointed out to me yesterday – I have been on my own for the last 20 months.  Now all I have to do is ‘be on my own’ and ‘be happy’.  And I have been happy these last 3 weeks (mostly).  Some days I have been outrageously happy.  So I can be both.  I just need to get used to it!  And NOT look backwards.

So the tears are for sadness – incredible sadness – not misery.

And  I must be doing something right as – despite all these roller-coaster moments – I am sleeping.  The mental turmoil has gone.

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