So now I know

I was hoping for a miracle.  And miracles don’t happen.  At least not in my world.

Why, Dear God, did I have to fall in love with someone who actually can’t love me back.  Maybe he can’t love anyone – not truly and deeply and unconditionally as I love him.

So having spent 4 hours with our Life Coach this afternoon, he has just left here saying he really doesn’t want to even  find out if we have a future or not and is walking away – for good this time.

I feel as though I have been pitchforked back 18  months, back into my dark pit of misery.  Back to screaming at the walls, clutching my teddy bear and sobbing my heart out.

Dear God why did I build my hopes on such a flimsy chance.  But I did.  So I will have to live through it – all over again.  The shock is horrific.  The pain unbelievable. The hollow horror the same as before.

And this time I can’t even tell anyone as they won’t understand why I did it.  And I can’t face that.  Not now.

I weep and – right now – I see no escape.

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