I was being over optimistic

Clearly my brain isn’t at peace as I am not sleeping – and I mean really not sleeping.  I haven’t since Saturday. 

The problem is that the determination part of my character  – which probably gives me a huge ability to succeed – won’t  now allow me to let go.  I still love the person I believe is the real Alex and so hoped would be the person who emerged into the ‘sunshine’ full of love, hope, optimism …… for me.  And that hasn’t happened.

Yes I know I can have a happy future but what’s happening now isn’t how it was supposed to be or how it was supposed to end!

No doubt my coaching session tomorrow with Stephen will ‘put me right’ – however painful that’s going to be.  I don’t think I want any more pain just now though.

Perhaps I just need to understand more.

So confusion rains.  And holding on to my ‘happy future’ is hard and requires so much determination it’s wearing me out. 

I just wish I could sleep!

Please do leave a comment. I'd love to read what you think

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s