I am not in turmoil (as in not sticking to my values turmoil) but clearly there are still issues bouncing round my brain. And no not in a negative way but more one very important moment of horror.
At my Life Coaching yesterday I suddenly blurted out the name Alex often shortened his name to – which I really hated. But I reacted in a very strong way. I have been trying to work out why I hated it so much. What is the deep down emotion that I am hiding from myself which makes me shudder when I hear that name. (I know I also resisted any attempt by Stephen to make me face what it is – the barrier came up – I just didn’t want to ‘go there’)
And why should I worry as it no longer matters. It’s the past. But clearly it is praying on my mind. As I say – not in a tearful miserable way – no real, real horror. And I keep thinking about it – not all the time but every so often and the emotion is incredibly strong – hence the reason for me writing about it.