As I have said before! This is great but it has also brought a whole lot of things to the surface which I am having to face and then either deal with or just accept.
The past few days have been strange. I am not in the least unhappy. But I have had to face up to and admit to myself there was an aspect of my marriage with Alex that was not always how it should have been. It really and honestly doesn’t matter now as I have accepted he is not coming back. Had last weekend gone differently then – yes – I would have had to have been honest and open and ready to discuss it. But the past is the past and my future will be different. But as the past couple of days’ posts show I have been pursued by this revelation and – talk about not letting go – It got worse and worse as time went by!
I think because I feel cheated – and mostly cheated by myself – the controller/fixer in me has bounced in and said “You are responsible – so you should have been in charge enough to fix it”.
But it wasn’t for me to fix. It wasn’t fixable – at least not by me alone – and not then. It could only be fixable now and now it doesn’t need to be.
It still won’t leave me alone – which is not great as I woke up a lot last night. Maybe – in this instance – I just need time.
Sorry for the ramble – dear reader – but I did say I’d write it all down. I have only kept the actual subject out of this post to avoid my blog being spam hit by masses of undesirable traffic!