Why has Alex done this to me when he says he still cares?
Why can’t I sleep an entire night through?
Why does part of my stupid brain object to me enjoying myself? Which is seems to!
Why do I beat myself up?
Why do I feel as if I’m being pulled in two directions?
Why can’t I just live?
And finally just
And the answer is because I am stubborn and I want it all!! And I do!
And yet I am having good times without him! ! I think that’s what I’m finding so irritating. I don’t seem to give myself permission to enjoy myself without him. Which is fascinating!
I had a really good day yesterday. I did my bit at the company meeting and even got them to laugh. Security is hardly funny! And I got them all to really pay attention. The staff were actually interested and asked questions – much to the irritation of our CEO!
I then had a great evening out with a couple I am very fond of. We had an evening packed to the hilt with laughter! And I got home at 11.30 and fell into bed and to sleep.
So how come I then woke up at 4.30 with a whole mass of angst and woe? I seem to ‘enjoy’ beating myself up – which I might add I don’t!
No doubt all will be explained later today at my Life Coaching session – at this rate he will be landed with me for ever as I seem singularly inept at grasping the concepts and applying them to my life!
I might have shot out of my ‘Chilean Mine’ like a missile when my 6 feet and 30 seconds moment catapulted me into the daylight. But I do feel I have been somewhat stuck since.
I need to experience another Eureka moment!