I’m having a wobble!

I’ve just spent an hour early this morning lying in bed and shouting at the wall

“How could Alex do this to me?”

Of course the answer lies with Alex and only he knows so really no point in asking the question.  He’s done what he’s done.  And I just have to get on with it.

I think this was triggered by finding out yesterday that he’s spending the next 10 days at the parental home of his new woman.  Which is what he did last year.  So nothing new there.  And I know this is all linked to my inability to “let go” and I’m feeling sorry for myself.

And still to wish he would come rushing back and ask forgiveness is a bit Hollywood – real life doesn’t happen that way.  Sadly!!

Do you know I’m in danger of becoming one of those women I totally have no time for, who years down the line are still wandering round in a sort of droopy pathetic way and who when asked how they are reply –  in a  attention seeking way: “Oh coping you know”.

I AM NOT GOING TO BE LIKE THAT!

So I’ve got to stop doing this to myself.

And thank you AJ for your comments (and your advice  and suggestions on my lack of fridge) – it’s great to know there are people out there egging me on.

So sod it – I have to live up to the current title of this blog or I’ll have to revert back to it’s original title (see This Blog page) which seems rather defeatist and I am not going to be defeated.

I have to value myself more.  I want to value myself more!   After all I told everyone at my party a month ago that I loved the new me I was finding and because of that, because of what I was learning and discovering, I wouldn’t have missed what I’d been through for the world.  Despite all the terrifying, abject horror of the experience.

Well having said that – and meant it – I’d better live up to it now.  Tough though!

It’s just I didn’t see at the time there was a whole lot more horror to go through!

I need to understand my values, learn to apply them, set the rules, focus and have some goals!

Now where is any of that difficult?? – Apart from all of it!!!

And I not only owe it to me but to everyone who is egging me on.  All those who have stood at the top of the ventilation shaft of my own Chilean Mine and yelled encouragement at me!!!

And what a waste of all the life coaching sessions if I give up now!!

This post is having the desired effect as I am now smiling again!

xxx

2 thoughts on “I’m having a wobble!

  1. Caroline, you need to remember to take this at your own pace. No one who claims to be a friend would question the how difficult this is. I know I wouldn’t.
    You’ve just recently found out about a very emotionally charged event in your life. Event… I make it sound like a trip to the World Cup, I don’t mean to lessen it. Let’s be honest you were sexually assaulted at an age when you should have been oohing and aahing over boys, not fending off a 30 year old predator.
    Give it some time, keep your friends close, they will understand.
    Be safe. AJ

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