Sometimes I could shoot myself!!! I think I need a brain transplant!! And quick!
I cause my own angst with such brilliance it’s stunning! Talk about stupid! That’s me!!
I got invited to friends for Christmas lunch and evening – I could have even spent the night if I wanted to. So what do I do? Yes I go. I have a lovely lunch with them and their family. 11 of us in all – and a great time. And they had more family coming for the evening. Perfect. Lots of people. Just what I need. But muggins here decides to bolt.
So I bolted. Got home at 5.30 and so – Hallelujah – I’m then on my own for the rest of the evening. Talk about stupid decision. So I then feel lonely, unloved, miserable, sorry for myself……. Yup! I created my miserable future for myself all over again. And shot off down to the bottom of my personal Chilean Mine.
I then had to use a great deal of will power and running my “6ft and 30 seconds” exercise in my head to get myself out of the hole! Which has worked partially!
I am saying this with a wry smile on my face – Dear Reader If I wasn’t me I’d wring my neck!!!
You know when you break something – like a leg or arm – or you have something that needs mending physically. Some kind anesthetist puts you to sleep, a surgeon rolls up and fixes what ever it is, and you wake up a bit sore but mended and on the road to recovery. I just wish someone could do the same to my mind! It would be great to be put to sleep and wake up fixed!!!
So I did have a lovely Christmas day. I’ve had some lovely presents from friends. I could have had a lovely Christmas evening. Apparently I chose not to!!!
I hope the rest of you were more sensible!!
And no feeling sorry for me anyone!!! I think part of my mind is looking for sympathy and attention – and it’s a bad habit I need to break!! And break it I am going to do.
I really do want a happy future, surrounded by lots of people, doing things I like doing….. And yes I don’t want to be on my own.
And I can’t stand those forlorn, droopy women who go round looking pathetic because they’ve been dumped by their Mid-Life-Crisis husbands. Those women who no man in their right mind would look at twice! Or those brittle ones who are just plain terrifying!!
I AM going to buzz and make people laugh and want to be with me. I just haven’t quite got there yet.
And I do wish I hadn’t bolted!