It’s either no sleep or dreadful dreams

My mind is being unkind!!

Either I don’t sleep – which is bad news OR

I dream – dreadful unsettling dreams – which is bad news!!  Great!  I so love night times!!

Last night I dreamt Alex and I were climbing a mountain through a forest.  Lots of trees in our way and the path was very wet and slippery. For some reason we parted at one point and then spent  a lot of time searching for each other.  Occasionally we met up (good grief this is bearing a great resemblance to reality!)  – but each time we did Alex kept telling me he’d been diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome (I have no idea where that came from – dreams can really be odd!) and so wasn’t capable of climbing the mountain or showing emotion.

This is all very well but I don’t exactly feel refreshed from a good night’s sleep.

And I am getting more excercise – I walked quite a bit in London on Saturday – OK I didn’t do much on Sunday but then it was freezing cold (that’s my excuse!).  OK , OK – I need to do more and get fitter – I do know that!  But I wasn’t going out cycling when it’s all icy – I sort of don’t need (or should that be “Kneed”) to do myself any more damage!

My Alexometer has been hovering around 2.00 – 3.00 for the last few days.  Which is OK.  It does go down on occasions when I just want to tell him to go to hell. 

And yes I will admit to a Sunday evening dip when  the Alexometer shot up briefly and I wished Alex was back – and no I don’t know what triggered it.  It just happened.

Another post worth reading…

Another good post from my LC:

Link

And I’ve had a good Sunday.
I’ve done some more sorting out in my new house.
I’ve had a lovely FB chat with AJ.
I’ve been leant a door bell for my new house
I’ve caught up on my emails
I’ve discovered why my post is not being redirected:

this is largely due to me failing to complete the form and also failing to give them the required £37.99 to do so – I can see where they’re coming from!!  Much as it hurts to admit – I failed to read the form!!

So I ‘raided’ my old house (which now has no-one living in it) and collected my post – which – irritatingly  – was all for Alex!!!!  Poetic justice!!!

And I was good – I didn’t stamp on it or rip it up – I’ve redirected it!

I am just TOO NICE!!!!

 

My lunch ‘date’

Ha!!

I had a really good day yesterday!  I met up with my colleague from work (he left 5 years ago).  We met in London and he took me for lunch – and then tea – and then drinks!

We talked non-stop for 9 hours about anything and everything.  He got divorced 3 years ago and would still take his wife back if she made the effort to understand him!  I can understand totally where he is at, so we both felt safe chatting about our ex-partners. We laughed, we teased each other and we had a great time.

Good to have a friend to chat to.  And dear reader – he’s 12 years younger than me – so don’t go match making!  It wasn’t like that at all!

It did me a great deal of good.  It was a fun day out!  I got home just after 11.0opm!  All rather surprising as we admitted that neither of us expected the meeting to last more than a couple of hours at most!

Amusing Aside:

I appear to have a worrying fascination for crockery!  Now this may appear to be a bizarre thing to write about – and I suppose it is!   The thing is I was specifically left all my parent’s crockery in their Will!  Which I have always found very funny as none of it is worth anything (mostly chipped).  I have enough crockery to feed most of the village off – so what do I find myself doing yesterday before my lunch date.  Wandering into Liberty’s and other well known stores and going round the china departments covertly eyeing up their offerings and wishing I had the money to buy plates, cups, mugs and tea pots.  (My parents obviously recognised this need in me many years ago!!!)

Respect

I’ve been giving this a great deal of thought over the last few days.

I have always been honest about how I see myself   – and I have always told other people – probably to seek approval and confirmation that I’m OK – but I’ve also highlighted my faults – which is ludicrous.   How many other people do I know who spend their time telling everyone  their faults and perceived character failings or defects  – hardly any and actually those that do, I find I have very little respect for.

Bingo Caroline!

It now dawns on me that I’ve spent great swathes of my life inadvertently inviting criticism and of course I’ve been given it.  I’ve allowed people to cross a boundary which they would never dream of crossing with anyone else.

I gave them permission to tell me what they think of me.  To judge me.   And having been given that permission they did.

Well no longer.  I am a confident, self-assured, funny (above everything else – funny!!)  woman and it’s about time I reminded everyone!

So my boundary is set.  I will no longer tolerate this pervasive destruction of my character which I find rude and belittling.

Would they like it  if I did it to them.  No.  And they would be very surprised if I did.

I respect me for who I am.  I will no longer allow people permission to destroy me and undermine my confidence.

I don’t think I will have to tell them.  I shall just stop them in their tracks.  My life is my life and how I live it is down to me.

I shall just bat their criticism into the long grass with a smile and a gentle reminder of who I am.

This may take time and those that enjoy and are used to destroying my character may find it a bit uncomfortable for a time. But if they are genuinely my friends they will still love me and probably love me more and if they don’t like the new me – well that’s their loss!!

It’s weird as here – on my blog – I am not this over flexible person at all!!

So I just need to practice what I write!!

xxx

BT is a wonderful organisation…..!

So I now have a land line phone! But Not how I wanted it.

I am now connected with a line number which is totally different to the one I agreed with BT – which is somewhat surprising!  And I have the added bonus that none of my cordless phones work with it – which is also very gratifying!

In the face of a communications nightmare one must not in any way expect that a communications company is going to solve one’s problems!!

I am overwhelmed with a feeling of well being and the world is how it is supposed to be!!!

God help me next week when I’m supposed to get Broadband!  They’ll probably connect that to someone in Scotland!

They have written to me – but in Alex’s name!!

Still no sign of my redirected mail either!!!

Bring it on world!

OK I need to stop using exclamation marks!!!!!

A little excitement in my life!!

No – BT have NOT connected my phone or Internet.  And anyone in the UK who reads this will understand that if I see their Advert  once more – on how easy it is to move house and how they will care for you all the way- I will probably report them to the Advertising Standards Authority for mis-representation!!

Guess what? –  I am going out tomorrow!!!  I am having lunch with a man!  Someone I used to work with.  We are meeting in London!  And it’s all above board – he’s single again too! (And I haven’t told anyone locally where I am going or what I am doing – which is quite nice!  – After all I am answerable to no-one – just me!!)

Apart from that – the appeal of my little house continues to grow.  I am getting to like it more and more.  I’ve bought myself a small TV for the kitchen and it all feels homelier and homelier by the day.

My redirected mail seems to have vanished down a blackhole  – but I suppose that was also to be expected. At least I’m not getting any bills!!

So I am being positive!  Perhaps it’s all the visits to the pub so I can catch up on emails!!