Values – not good if we fail to stick to them

As I’ve said in previous posts my Life Coach has a way of making things much clearer than I can!   Well it is what he does, so I suppose that’s to be expected!  And today’s post on his blog puts what I was struggling to convey yesterday so much better!  So I have linked this post to his so maybe you – my dear reader – will be able to understand too:  Values

I like to think my session yesterday triggered today’s post from him.  It’s nice to think one has some influence on the world – well just occasionally!!

You see what he’s posted is exactly what I did.  I had no boundaries where Alex is concerned.  Because I was so scared of losing him I allowed him to treat me with no respect.  I – almost – condoned his affair.  I was SO concerned about him and the dark place I believed him to be in I gave him no boundaries on how he should treat me – so basically ‘gave him permission’ to treat me how he liked.  I didn’t realise it at the time, and even now I still find myself justifying my actions.  I told myself that I’d married him “for better, for worse”,  “In sickness and in health”.  I justified his actions as being the “In sickness” bit and “for worse” and therefore I had to weather the storm.  As I had married him for life.

The trouble is this gave Alex permission to do what he liked.  Even, and I still believe this, he didn’t like doing it!

The outcome of all this could well have been exactly the same as it is now. The difference might well have been – I could have saved myself 18 months of angst and turmoil and the fact that I ‘put my whole life on hold’ waiting for him to return and be the person I believed I’d married.

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