The state of my Alexometer

My “Alexometer” has been registering a steady 3 for a few days now!  Last night it went to 2.5 – which is excellent.  This morning it shot up to 8 with a possible peak at 9..

For those of you who don’t know what this is.  This is my rating on how I feel about my soon-to-be-ex.  Where 10 is wanting him back come what may and 0 is “never darken my door again”!

I have been deciding on the ‘score’ each day to see how I am doing.  Moving is definitely making it wobble.  And wobbly is how I feel just now

It’s now 2.00pm  and I’m packed and ready to go.  The movers have removed themselves with 4 containers full of my belongings which are all going to store.

They have packed everything else and left it here ready for the great exodus tomorrow.  And OK I’m having a good old weep.  I thought I was OK. Well I was until a neighbour rang up and asked me how I was faring and was I feeling sad!!  Brilliant!  Just what I needed!!  My entire married life with Alex was spent in this house and  I’ve just seen that life put into boxes.  How does she think I’m feeling!

My question of the day – to which I know there is no answer is “Why can’t Alex be the Man I want him to be and who I believe he also wants to be?”

I am going out.  I can’t sit here glaring at the boxes all afternoon.  I can’t even eat as they’ve packed all the cooking stuff – all I can get at is the bread, tea and the contents of the fridge!

And I know I said yesterday I didn’t want him back.  And I’m sure my LC will remind me to turn my negatives into positives!!  And this isn’t a rant!  Which makes a change.

I’m not feeling bloody minded, I’m just feeling….. feelings.

One thought on “The state of my Alexometer

  1. Caroline the stirring of emotions would be expected, history is history. You’d be lying to yourself to deny that there are wonderful memories locked away in the walls of that house. Growing up in the home of your childhood, moving away only to return years later, and most of all sharing those magical years with Alex, those are things can’t be boxed up and tossed into the bin.

    They all have secured a place in your heart. Today you’re moving on to begin a new chapter in the story of Caroline. With a new place to call home, you leave the physical elements of your past behind, as you cast off the burden of the last two years, know in your heart and mind that new adventures await you, with the excitement of a fresh start.

    Take a deep breath, now wipe your eyes; you’re about to discover amazing new things and meet the most interesting people, right outside your door. Take care C. AJ

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