Still dangerously high I’m afraid – it seems to be stuck firmly at 8.00-9.00 which isn’t good for my well-being! So I wobble on!
I ended up having dinner with friends last night as I had to take a detour home (motorways are OK until someone decides to modify the central reservation!). Lovely to see them BUT I wish people would stop saying:
“How lovely to have a new start”
“Great to see you Moving On”
“Now you can really Let Go”
Now – don’t get me wrong – in their shoes I have a shrewd suspicion I would be saying the same things – at least I would have done until I experienced this trauma! Now – definitely not! I just HATE those phrases! And, bizarrely, all I want to do is dig in and do the opposite! Which is just plain obstinate! And not doing me any good at all!
It’s not as if I’m miserable – because I’m not really. I just feel as if there’s a large gaping hole in my life which should be filled by Alex and isn’t. But not the Alex of today who is living in ‘fearful’ mode – but the one I married who made me laugh and who I thought would always be there for me – but clearly isn’t!
This is where I see both of us being at the moment:
But then the rational me reminds me that:
a) He’s cheated with the OW
b) Shown me no respect
c) Can’t discuss emotions or issues that really matter
d) Has lied
e) Has hurt me beyond anything I thought possible
So why in hell’s name would I want him back. And that dear reader is the question to which I appear to have several different answers! And depending on the Alexometer reading I get a different answer each time!
Oops. I have Life Coaching tomorrow so I’m in “trouble” now!!! (You see – dear reader – he reads this!!)
Well I’ve just made me smile – so that can’t be bad!!