Alexometer reading!

Still dangerously high I’m afraid – it seems to be stuck firmly at 8.00-9.00 which isn’t good for my well-being!  So I wobble on!

I ended up having dinner with friends last night as I had to take a detour home (motorways are OK until someone decides to modify the central reservation!).  Lovely to see them BUT I wish people would stop saying:

“How lovely to have a new start”
“Great to see you Moving On”
“Now you can really Let Go”

Now – don’t get me wrong – in their shoes I have a shrewd suspicion I would be saying the same things – at least I would have done until I experienced this trauma!  Now – definitely not!  I just HATE those phrases!  And, bizarrely, all I want to do is dig in and do the opposite!  Which is just plain obstinate!  And not doing me any good at all!

It’s not as if I’m miserable – because I’m not really.  I just feel as if there’s a large gaping hole in my life which should be filled by Alex and isn’t.  But not the Alex of today who is living in ‘fearful’ mode  – but the one I married who made me laugh and who I thought would always be there for me – but clearly isn’t!

This is where I see both of us being at the moment:

Link

But then the rational me reminds me that:

a)  He’s cheated with the OW
b)  Shown me no respect
c)  Can’t discuss emotions or issues that really matter
d)  Has lied
e)  Has hurt me beyond anything I thought possible

So why in hell’s name would I want him back.  And that dear reader is the question to which I appear to have several different answers! And depending on the Alexometer reading I get a different answer each time!

Oops.  I have Life Coaching tomorrow so I’m in “trouble” now!!! (You see – dear reader – he reads this!!)

Well I’ve  just made me smile – so that can’t be bad!!

One thought on “Alexometer reading!

  1. Stephen is working to help with you achieve a new station in life, independent minded, a high level of self respect; and I think with his help, and a great deal of hard work on your part, you’ve come a long way.
    I reckon there is bit deep down inside that questions your right to that new place. Right now your saying the right words, but you need to believe in them. It’s probably difficult task to rewrite that programing, but little by little those images and familiar norms will become less and less familiar. As you strip away the old and replace it with the new, it may take some time to attain your ultimate goals, but it will happen.
    I know, you hate it when people tell you what you want, or need, (unless they’re paid professionals) but I/ we do want you to get there, you need to trust Stephen, but more importantly trust yourself… you can do this, you deserve it! Be safe Caroline AJ

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