Just remember…

It never hurts to remember how fortunate we all are to live in the times we do.  I watched the programme on “Britain’s Secret Schindler” last night.  Nicholas Winton  is now 101 and still so articulate.  What he did for those 600+ Jewish children was incredible. 

But it’s worth remembering that so many people have their lives torn apart by war and find the courage and determination to rebuild and grasp futures that seem impossible to imagine. It is just a case of taking those steps and not looking back.

My ‘crash’ is small in comparision which is important for me to realise.

BTW I have a tenuous connection with Nicholas Winton as  he and my father were at school together.

What is it with “friends”…

What is it with some people?  And by this I mean people who know me – personally – have met me and who I thought I counted as my friends…  who then feel they have the right to tell me what I should and shouldn’t be doing.  How I should be behaving and – even – how or how not I should spend my income!

This doesn’t apply to everyone and certainly not any of you who come here to my blog.  Hence I can say what I feel here!

But there is a contingent of my so called friends who are continually questioning why I am going to Life Coaching.  They feel they can tell me what I should be doing, even – one case this week – stopped me  – physically – from running my fingers through my hair.   And I might add doing that is all part of me being me!  I like doing it!!  And I shall stop when I want to – and not before!!  It’s my choice!

So what gives them that right to try and ‘run’ me?

Perhaps I do.  Unintentionally maybe.  But maybe I allow them – without realising I do it  – to critisize me and run roughshod over me as I never stand up and say “Enough is enough”  or point out gently – that it’s none of their business.  I think I get too scared of upsetting them – when all that happens is I get upset and feel belittled!  Well I don’t like it.  I wouldn’t dream of telling them how to run their lives or what they should or shouldn’t do or say.  I wouldn’t consider it any of my business.  Who am I to judge them?

And as to the so called ‘friend’  who  earlier this week, dismissed my revelation on what happened to me at 15 with the statement “Are you sure it really did?  Perhaps you have had the idea planted in your mind and you are just imagining it”.  What gave her that right?   I am feeling indignant.

Very gently and politely I am going to make a stand.  Enough is enough.  Those people (and there aren’t actually that many) who feel they can do this will be – gently and kindly – asked to stop.  I shan’t be rude.  But I shall be firm.

I will not have my values compromised by me – or anyone else.  If they have no respect for me then sobeit.  I have respect for me and it starts with being firmer with how I am treated by these people. (And thank you Stephen for pointing this out to me yesterday – It was tough to take it on board but I can see you are right! – Which rather answers the questions as to why I am going to Life Coaching and why I shall continue to go as long as he feels I need to – you see it’s working for me – brilliantly – and that is actually all that matters!)

And you dear readers are far more sensible and intelligent – your comments and advice is treasured and really appreciated.  I just  need to sort out a select few of my local ‘friends’!!

Update:  And maybe if I do this my mind will let me sleep – for more than 2 nights in a row!!!  Which is STILL the problem.  For 2 nights I slept OK  – last night – sadly not!

Life Coaching – a view!

I’m sure you’ve spotted – dear reader – that today is Life Coaching day.  And as usual I trot out from my session full of  positive vibes and a determination to conquer the demon in me which finds comfort in the ‘pain’ thoughts!!

I feel a bit like a clockwork toy.  Stephen winds me up on a Wednesday and sets me  off running –  and off I go full of determination and buzz, enthusiasm and positive thoughts – and then – rather gently – over the next seven days I wind down!!  Only to be rewound the following week!

The good thing is that – hopefully – each time I don’t actually wind down to where I was before – I do take a step up!

I hope I’ve made you all smile!  And yes I am sitting in the pub again (2nd time today) so I can catch up on the blogging and my horrendous number of emails which I have to deal with!

BTW – Good post from Stephen today – Link

 

This Blog needs a kick!

And so do I!!

Clearly – dear reader – I’ve been rather stuck over recent weeks.  Not good!  And I’ve almost become a slave to this blog. And the blog has been a plod round a rather negative swamp – yes above ground level and out of the Chilean Mine but a rather heavy, muddy swamp nonetheless.  Well it’s about time I stopped wallowing in it.

I’ve always said I would be totally honest here.  So I am going to be – I’ve been running a pattern of  Anger/Frustration/Self-pity.  Which is basically not getting me anywhere and now is the day it stops.

I start respecting me.
I start loving me
I start treating myself better
I start looking and creating the fun future I want
I start telling everyone there is a route out and I’m the one to show me and everyone else who wants to know,  the way to do it.

This blog was always intended to be one of the tools I used to get me from my Chilean Mine to the top of the mountain where the view is going to be fantastic.  So now is the day I take the first steps up the hill!  Rather than pacing round and round the bottom!!

And the walk up my mountain is going to be fun and full of adventure and not difficult. The climb is going to be easy.

So join me on this new latest adventure in my life.  Each step will have it’s own resting place – which I can choose to use or walk on from and each step up can be as shallow or steep as I like.

You will notice I’ve introduced 3 new categories – Stages.  They speak for themselves.  I will update all the posts (which is rather too many) to categorise each and every one of them.  Some may fall into more than one Stage – demonstrating the the wobbles I’ve had.    I may add more stages.

I can do anything I like – it’s my blog and I’m in charge of it.  It isn’t in charge of me!!

Hugs to me and bon courage, bon voyage and bon chance.

Caroline

PS I will post more on this later – even if it means another drink in the pub opposite my new home (internet access being slightly non-existent where I am!)

Alexometer reading!

Still dangerously high I’m afraid – it seems to be stuck firmly at 8.00-9.00 which isn’t good for my well-being!  So I wobble on!

I ended up having dinner with friends last night as I had to take a detour home (motorways are OK until someone decides to modify the central reservation!).  Lovely to see them BUT I wish people would stop saying:

“How lovely to have a new start”
“Great to see you Moving On”
“Now you can really Let Go”

Now – don’t get me wrong – in their shoes I have a shrewd suspicion I would be saying the same things – at least I would have done until I experienced this trauma!  Now – definitely not!  I just HATE those phrases!  And, bizarrely, all I want to do is dig in and do the opposite!  Which is just plain obstinate!  And not doing me any good at all!

It’s not as if I’m miserable – because I’m not really.  I just feel as if there’s a large gaping hole in my life which should be filled by Alex and isn’t.  But not the Alex of today who is living in ‘fearful’ mode  – but the one I married who made me laugh and who I thought would always be there for me – but clearly isn’t!

This is where I see both of us being at the moment:

Link

But then the rational me reminds me that:

a)  He’s cheated with the OW
b)  Shown me no respect
c)  Can’t discuss emotions or issues that really matter
d)  Has lied
e)  Has hurt me beyond anything I thought possible

So why in hell’s name would I want him back.  And that dear reader is the question to which I appear to have several different answers! And depending on the Alexometer reading I get a different answer each time!

Oops.  I have Life Coaching tomorrow so I’m in “trouble” now!!! (You see – dear reader – he reads this!!)

Well I’ve  just made me smile – so that can’t be bad!!

The Alexometer

Sorry – having a wobble moment.  The Alexometer has soared to a 9.00.

I apologise for this – dear reader – I lost control of it over the last 12 hours or so.  I will endeavour to do better and ‘pull myself together’.

It’s no good wishing.  The only hope is focusing on the future.  And making that future a fun place to be. 

Note to self:  Stop being so over flexible.  Stop thinking you can forgive him.  Stop wishing things were different. Stop caring.  In fact just STOP!  And now just START!  Start creating a fun fulled future.  Start laughing again. Start doing more things.  Start playing the piano (including working out the notes from middle C – as I can’t read music!).  Start taking more photos. 

Well I did well this morning by adding a good comment to AJ’s blog.  I even made him laugh!.

And thank you to all my visitors here.  I am hanging on to your comments at the moment.