It’s a struggle at the moment

I know I keep saying Focus and ask How and What questions.  Well I should really practice what I preach.

But these past few days have been a real struggle.  I’ve always claimed that anniversaries are not important.  But I fear me I rather let myself down on this one.  It was 2 years ago yesterday that Alex blurted out that he felt our marriage hadn’t got a future.  Two years ago when we set off along this slippery path with him saying he just wanted to sort his mind out,  then he wanted to split, then he didn’t, then he did and so on.

So despite having a lovely evening out yesterday and going for a walk with the same friends this morning and then having a lovely brunch – I am feeling a bit tearful.

Which  is SO SO STUPID.

And this isn’t attention seeking.  I actually don’t want to talk or be with anyone.  I wish I knew where these moods come from and  I wish I could stop them.

I look through all the notes that my LC gives me and I am doing all the things I’m not supposed to!  Which is incredibly silly – not to mention a total waste of money!  Probably the only reason he hasn’t wrung my neck by now is I’m paying him not to!!

Gosh this is a dreary post isn’t it, dear reader!  I am horrified.  Now I could delete it but that would be cheating!

Enough of the whinge.  A bit of feeling grateful won’t come amiss.

As I agreed with Stephen last week.  The values I need to give myself are as follows in order of importance

Starting on the left when I give myself the ones listed (working from the bottom of the list up in levels of importance), I then get the ones in the middle and then I achieve the one on the right:

So turning my mind to more cheerful thoughts – I have a new mobile phone which is touch screen and very confusing!   I haven’t worked out how to receive or end a call yet – which does seem a rather basic requirement!  I can – apparently – surf the net, comment on facebook and do all manner of exciting and surprising things with it!  Typing texts and making calls I am sure must be easy – I just haven’t managed that – yet!

I have had a friend come and investigate my router problems.  It looks as though it could be

  1. BT not supplying the level of broadband they should
  2. A new laptop
  3. A new router

What I hope is that it isn’t 2 &/or  3 – which sound rather expensive!

6 thoughts on “It’s a struggle at the moment

  1. Think how great you’re going to feel once you get past this little slump!
    I’m still learning how to use my new phone. Mind boggling. Trying to figure it out helps to distract me from less pleasant things. The sun is out today! That helps.

    Be gentle with Caroline!

    • Thank you for your lovely comment. I can be over tough on me at times. I just hate the setbacks. My phone continues to give me hours of amusement! Fascinating how I go down some cul-de-sac with it into an application which I don’t understand at all!! I agree – very distracting.
      I’ve also been doing some tweaking to my blog pages which has kept me amused today.
      The weather is cold, blustery and not that good – so I’ve been in all afternoon – playing!

  2. Must be something in the air, I’m not feeling very up beat myself.
    Seems strange to say Happy Anniversary, to the end of a relationship. Maybe from the prospective that 2 years ago you started on this new journey. One which is going to give you a chance to find yourself, and well some deserved happiness.
    Be safe dear, AJ

  3. Your Feelings are not Stupid!!!
    It would be strange (cold and detached) if you actually didn’t feel them. After being with someone for so long, it makes sense that you do have these feelings. So I hope you cried it out (like the rest of us …) and are now feeling better….

    Good luck with the phone! X

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