Last night I bottled out of Camera Club. The prospect of photographing vegetables using different lighting techniques just wasn’t enough for me to venture out into the rain! I wonder why!!! I don’t really do a lot of ‘still life’ I’m more of a moving type of person!
Anyway having given myself an evening in I did then feel at a bit of a loss. As you know – dear reader – I’ve been a bit down for a few days. So I replayed my 6 feet and 30 seconds moment – I have it on DVD and also several audio recordings I made when I was practising my speech for my party last November – (see Eureka moments) . That really worked and was, and still is, a defining moment.
My outlook has changed from where I was last summer. I no longer get the horror moments, those moments when I screamed at the walls and sobbed for days on end. My lows are more sad rather than miserable. I haven’t read my Post It Notes list for months, and they were so important to me for weeks and weeks last summer.
So my outlook has changed! Which is good. But I do still feel it’s all so surreal. That the man I thought loved me and cared for me could have done what he has.
No doubt this will also eventually go and I shall be able to remember the past with fondness and nothing more. And not mind anymore. Not mind that we lost so much. That we threw away so much. Well that He throw away so much. It will be good when that day comes.