I am still here!

OK I’ve been rather quiet these last few days.  And this is not what we are all used to!

I still do feel rather quiet. A feeling that in the end I have to come through this bit in my own way and that actually I don’t think anyone can help.  In the end, once you have the tools and knowledge of what you have to do – in the end you have to JFDI (Just F***ing Do It!) it and that’s something that has to come from within you.

I have to dig deep and find the will power.

Perhaps time is the solution.

As I said a couple of days ago.  All this just seems to be the wrong ending to what I had.  Perhaps it is.  But until Alex sees this there really is nothing I can do about it!

So given that.  What is the point in me sitting around wishing things were different. They’re not and thinking about it and letting these thoughts go round and round in my head is NEVER going to make it different.  So what I do is totally pointless!!

So acceptance of where I am at the moment is essential.  After all if I don’t accept the status quo today and decide it’s not where I want to be I’m never going to ‘move forward’.

The status quo of being divorced (nearly) is what I need to accept.  Do I want to stay ‘single’ for the rest of my life.  No.  So  now, or in the near future, I have to do something about it.

That is my next step.

(And if BT continue to treat my broadband connection as something of no importance and something they can give and take away at a speed I can’t keep up with then I may get a tiny bit cross with them! Ironically the BBC is doing an item this morning on broadband connection and how people are not getting the speed they signed up for.  Well from my point of view the only speed I’ve got is the speed with which I fall off the broadband connection altogether!   God bless BT!!)

4 thoughts on “I am still here!

  1. Caroline, very good to see your words again. I know that they are only words that mean nearly the same thing but…’ Acceptance’ of your present status seems to indicate a level of defeat, maybe that’s too strong, resignation might be closer. ( As I duck the half eaten sandwich now being hurled in my direction.)
    ‘Acknowledgment’, all though a similar word leaves some wiggle room, a recognition of things as they are, without actually resigning to the condition. It leaves room for a plan of attack, to escape the mire you find yourself in.
    So keep your eyes open, there are lots of people out there tossing you a rope, just be ready for it and hold on. Take care, AJ

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