I need to walk into the sunshine

I need to walk into the sunshine.  Not look back, just look forward.

The ache in my heart will go.  Maybe not this week but it will go.  It is going already.  I will recover from all this. I am resilient – as all human beings are.

“Letting go”  or “Moving on” have always been statements that send shudders down my spine.  But a gentle walk into the sunshine appeals!  A new dawn, a new day.  That’s what I need to do.

I know I will heal.  Just as my leg healed.  After 14 months of pain, the pain has gone and I hardly ever notice it now!  I’m back wearing heeled shoes – which I believed would never happen. (so much so that I got rid of nearly all my heeled shoes when I moved and bought pairs of flat ones – which I now don’t want to wear!  Another dumb decision Caroline!).

I may be holding on to the illusion that Alex might still love me.  The illusion that we could still have a wondrous life together. Maybe I am ‘addicted’ to the life I had with him and how I feel about him.  Well it was a darn sight better than what I have now so – not wishing to sound defensive – it’s not surprising.   But I do know I also need and want to ‘walk out into the sunshine’ as well.

I just need a sunny day to walk out into and the courage and knowledge  that by walking out into it – alone –  I will – eventually – heal.

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