The Nirvana of Happiness

That’s what I want to get to.  That feeling of being happy with every day and the life I’ve got!

The life coaching has done me a power of good as I have discovered I like being me!  I am content with who I am and what makes me, me!  So that’s really good!  It’s just that I know there can be more as in more happiness!

By and large I had that ‘more’ with Alex.  I had a feeling of contentment which even on the not so good days was streets better than how I feel at the moment.  But because of his issues and mine I was holding on to that contentment from a position of fear.  Fear that I could lose it – and I did.

So now I want that level of  happiness, without the fear and as the ‘new’ me – the more confident ‘me’.  And it has to be attainable even if just out of reach just now. It’s that desire to not only get back to that feeling of inner contentment  but to feel and know I am on this planet for a reason and the reason is a really good one!  That being me is not a selfish act but a giving and caring one which benefits others in some way.  After all if we are here for a reason then surely that reason has to encompass some form of giving and helping.  And for me I want and need to be special. Special to one special person.

The trouble with new beginnings is accepting or acknowledging the old ending and that is the difficult bit.  I will never accept I married the wrong man. To do that – in my mind – would be to destroy what we had.  And for me what we had was incredibly special.  Clearly for him it wasn’t.  But I am not going to rewrite my version of events to suit his rewrite of history.  I am too honest to do that.

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