There are days when I’m not very impressed with me. When I feel I should be doing better. Today is one of them.
It’s now over two years since Alex left and yet I am still so sad. Still feeling this is all so wrong. Still feeling so alone and not enjoying life as I should be. Happiness is created from within you not by others.
I should be over this by now. I shouldn’t be longing for something I cannot have. That I won’t get back and which won’t happen. And yet I do.
My LC will, no doubt, say I’m stuck. He’s probably right.
But as I approach my 60th birthday this weekend everything seems so wrong, so how it’s not supposed to be. Which is incredibly self-centered of me. I have so much. Much more than so many people in the world. I am not impressed with me tonight – or the thoughts rushing round my mind. I don’t think this is self-pity, or seeking sympathy. I am not feeling sorry for myself. Just incredibly sad. And a strong, sort of surreal feeling that I’m in the wrong movie!!