There are days when….

There are days when I’m not very impressed with me.  When I feel I should be doing better.  Today is one of them.

It’s now over two years since Alex left and yet I am still so sad. Still feeling this is all so wrong.  Still feeling so alone and not enjoying life as I should be.  Happiness is created from within you not by others.

I should be over this by now.  I shouldn’t be longing for something I cannot have. That I won’t get back and which won’t happen. And yet I do.

My LC will, no doubt,  say I’m stuck.  He’s probably right.

But as I approach my 60th birthday this weekend everything seems so wrong, so how it’s not supposed to be.  Which is incredibly self-centered of me.  I have so much.  Much more than so many people in the world.  I am not impressed with me tonight – or the thoughts rushing round my mind.  I don’t think this is self-pity, or seeking sympathy.  I am not feeling sorry for myself.  Just incredibly sad.  And a strong, sort of surreal feeling that I’m in the wrong movie!!


4 thoughts on “There are days when….

  1. Yes, I know I am young. I found your words to be humbling, however, as many fall victim to discouragement. I (being the recklace teen that I am) have made so many mistakes in my life, that it is quite often I find myself saying, “I am not impressed with myself today.” I then (after having spent an interesting amount of time skulking, because I am 16, afterall) ask myself how I may learn from this mistake and better myself. In your case I belive you are asking, “how can I move on and ‘un-stuck’ myself.” I know my advice may be juvenile but perhaps a day with your closest of friends and a bit of pampering will help ease the sadness. My mother, grandmother and I always feel refreshed after doing so. Mimi (my grandmother) always says a hobby keeps the blues away as long as it’s something you truly enjoy. I am a book worm and always find peace in a novel. Avoid romance novels though, I swear those things are terrible luck!
    Prayers for you 🙂

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