Why am I Scared?

Now there’s an interesting question! Even writing it seems ludicrous!  But when I really ‘dig deep’  over how I feel and what I want in life it seems to boil down to being scared of ‘letting go’ of my belief in my Very-Soon-To-Be Ex husband and the cast iron certainty that what we are doing is going in the wrong direction!

Anyway whilst I go on believing this no-one on the planet can help me.  Apart from – I suppose – the aforementioned husband!  And he doesn’t want to!  At least he doesn’t at the moment!!

Now every sane person on the planet will be shouting at this blog and saying “For crying out loud Caroline get on with your life!”.  And in their shoes I would be doing exactly the same!!

So I leave you with this thought for now:  Why am I scared?

13 thoughts on “Why am I Scared?

  1. For me, even though I knew in my head it was going to happen, the “finality of it” got to me anyway, and I still didn’t understand why.

    I must warn you that you will probably grieve all over again when it is final.
    Don’t you love this particular rollercoaster and horror ride?

    • Yes I dread that final bit – that piece of paper dropping in the post box saying I’m now a divorcee. It’s one stupendous rollercoaster and horror ride!!! You are SO right!

  2. I think for me it’s fear of the unknown. And that’s a bit illogical when I think about it. Whether you have Alex in your future and I, D; the future is still an unknown. I guess it seems less scary when we have a partner to face it with us. I say all this, I think, in order to say that I no longer have guilt about feelings. I just try to feel it, ride it out, and keep going. It may come again later but hopefully it will decrease in intensity.

    Hang on, Caroline. You’re doing great.

  3. Caroline, I believe its a bit like the story of lady and the tiger, journeying into the unknown. Think of all the things that you shelved since you got married. Dating, finding your very own place, hooking up your router, looking for someone to who might be interested in a moist tart!! It’s all very new stuff, crap I’d be terrified; (okay I might be aroused about the tart thing) but none the less it can be very unsettling.
    Take it a step at a time. It’s okay to stand at the window for a while as the pastry chef brings out the sweets, the good ones won’t spoil if you let them cool a while.
    Tootle pip! AJ

  4. Many sane people will know exactly how you are feeling because they are/have been feeling the same way.

    It’s called grieving. It takes time, lot’s of time, to overcome the grief (even those little hidden bits that you thought were done). It’s also fear, because nothing scares us so much as the unknown. Take it even slower, one day soon you will get to the end of the ride.

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