Creating a new life after a marriage breakdown

That’s what I said this blog is all about. That’s what appears at the top of my blog.  And that’s what I’d forgotten.

These past 8 weeks or so I’d turned it round into “Trying to retrieve my marriage”  which is blatantly not possible unless both partners want to and as one doesn’t then I was / am on a hiding to nothing. So – to be blunt – what a waste of time to even try!  And trying doesn’t achieve anything. Doing is what achieves things!

This is where this blog is so helpful – to me.  I’ve been re-reading February’s posts – the early ones that month –  and I was doing much better then in many ways.  I’ve had a bit of a backwards slide recently as I admitted to myself that my goal had always been to retrieve my marriage and so I then embarked on an attempt to make it happen.  Result l sank into a mud pool of self-pity as I slowly realised it was and always has been unachievable.

Well Enough is Enough.  My new goal is to look after me better and achieve all I can.

My mind may still be doing battle with me – and it is.  Which is more than somewhat exhausting and giving me stupendous headaches,  but I have to kick this addiction to the past and turn it into an addiction for the future!

I have 11 days off.  So I must use them wisely and productively and make them fun.

So I will arrange more Life Coaching – I clearly need it!  I will see friends.  I will take photos.   I will do my French homework (Wow that will be a first!!) and I will NOT BROOD!

Oh yes and I will sort out the divorce papers via email rather than attempt to meet my ex to discuss the issues as meeting him just opens up all the wounds and sends me hurtling down the ‘if only route’  so NO meetings.

Note to self:  Courage Caroline – NewCaroline – you can do this!

12 thoughts on “Creating a new life after a marriage breakdown

  1. Go Caroline! Someone pointed out to me when I was going through the pain barrier that there was a difference between ‘accepting’ my situation than being ‘resigned’ to it. It took me a long time but once I got to the acceptance it made life so much easier and dare I say ‘happier’. You sound like you are getting there too and I wish you the best.
    Penny

    • Thank you Penny
      Yes I think, finally, I am!! Well I had to in the end! It has to get easier – damn it, it can’t get any harder!!!

      Thank you for your comments and I hope you have a lovely Easter

  2. It might not feel like it now, but in time you’ll see that some things aren’t worth retrieving, Caroline. As for meeting him to discuss the papers, “NO!” is a complete sentence. Keep telling yourself that and soon enough, the urge to see him will fade.

    Spring is here. Go out and embrace your new life. Bravo Caroline!

    • Yes the No is the only option – I know that and I’m going to stick to it!
      Now all I need to do – as you say – is embrace my new life!!

      Thank you for your encouraging words

  3. It’s just a matter of adjusting your rudder, setting the jib into the wind and ducking occasionally when ever the boom swings over the poop deck… I have know idea what I just told you but it sounded adventurous!

    Why not set aside some green and plan a glider excursion, you still may have to adjust your rudder, but now you can put some tail into it!! Buzz the field Girl!!! AJ

  4. resigned to it is exactly where i am, and it has been awhile. I’m not sure accepting is a place I will ever get too. I imagine more a place, where you learn to live with it. Like a football player that has a career ending injury. I guess acceptance to me has always meant, “its okay. no big deal, I’ll just move on.” I hope (I dont pray much anymore really) that you recover. And recover soon.

    • I hope you do more than become resigned to your situation. I felt that for ages but the Life Coaching has helped me see I can give myself a better future than that. And I’m determined to succeed.

      Thank you for visiting my blog and I hope you come back often. I can’t find yours (presuming you have one!). So Hugs to you from here!

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