These past 8 weeks or so I’d turned it round into “Trying to retrieve my marriage” which is blatantly not possible unless both partners want to and as one doesn’t then I was / am on a hiding to nothing. So – to be blunt – what a waste of time to even try! And trying doesn’t achieve anything. Doing is what achieves things!
This is where this blog is so helpful – to me. I’ve been re-reading February’s posts – the early ones that month – and I was doing much better then in many ways. I’ve had a bit of a backwards slide recently as I admitted to myself that my goal had always been to retrieve my marriage and so I then embarked on an attempt to make it happen. Result l sank into a mud pool of self-pity as I slowly realised it was and always has been unachievable.
Well Enough is Enough. My new goal is to look after me better and achieve all I can.
My mind may still be doing battle with me – and it is. Which is more than somewhat exhausting and giving me stupendous headaches, but I have to kick this addiction to the past and turn it into an addiction for the future!
I have 11 days off. So I must use them wisely and productively and make them fun.
So I will arrange more Life Coaching – I clearly need it! I will see friends. I will take photos. I will do my French homework (Wow that will be a first!!) and I will NOT BROOD!
Oh yes and I will sort out the divorce papers via email rather than attempt to meet my ex to discuss the issues as meeting him just opens up all the wounds and sends me hurtling down the ‘if only route’ so NO meetings.
Note to self: Courage Caroline – NewCaroline – you can do this!