Believe in yourself

I’ve been doing some early morning blog surfing – and came across this quote:

“Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle. ”
Christian D Larson

And that’s what’s so easy to lose.  When the person you believed would be there for you come what may,  the person you loved –  your best friend – your soul mate – suddenly walks away, inevitably you question your belief in yourself.

That’s what I did.  The trauma rocked and destroyed the very foundations of my being.  My belief in myself.

I questioned everything about myself and, in my depressed state, found myself wanting. I had failed and I had failed big time.  It was completely my fault.  I may not have cheated, as he had done, but I must have driven him to do all these terrible things.  How else could this wonderful, gentle, kind, loving, honest man have changed into someone I almost didn’t recognise.

Then, because he kept dithering and saying he was coming back, I re-affirmed these beliefs.   I convinced myself I was worthless and un-loveable.  I must be – why else would the very sight of me cause this man to run.  I lost – totally – any belief in myself.

And because one member of my family has always made me feel a failure – either by (hopefully inadvertently) denying my existence to his friends – or by frequently putting me down, my whole sub-conscious belief in my worthlessness was confirmed.

Then of course there was the fact that I was sexually assaulted at the age of 15 – which I’d also managed to convince myself was my fault!!!  Wow – have I been doing well on ‘doing myself down’!!

So whereas I’ve always thought  – at a conscious level – I loved and believed in myself – my sub-conscious was contradicting my edited version  and fighting.  Hence being stuck.

This is what I discovered this week at my Life Coaching session.

To find that the ‘obstacle’ I had to overcome was one I had created within me is a tough thing to face and then to deal with.  But actually overcoming it will free me beyond my wildest dreams. Because freeing myself – from barriers I had created within me – will mean I won’t just fly – I’ll soar!  (Sorry for all the flying references – but I am a glider pilot  – so flying and soaring are part of me!!)

Now I know where the barrier is, what it is, and why, it’s becoming easier to deal with.  I’m not there yet.  But at least now I feel I’m on my way.  My sub-conscious self still tries to drag me back (it did last night – big time) – but now I know where the fight is I can fight on the right battle front.

So the quote I found this morning is vital:

“Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle. “

15 thoughts on “Believe in yourself

  1. This is great. Once you really begin discovering yourself and get out from all the debris of your past life starts to become really wonderful. It’s so good to see the sense of sunshie in this post. I have attempted to add a link to your site in my blogroll.

    • Thank you for your lovely, encouraging comment. You have no idea how dark my life has been over the last 26 months!!! And amazing how finally I’m finding a route out.

      Thank you for the link

  2. Wow! Great post! You have been carrying quite a load for a very long time. How heavy it must be. And how free you’re going to be when you finish unloading all the excess baggage. You’re doing great. Keep it up.

    Extra hugs today for all the hard work you’re doing.

  3. This post seems so positive Caroline, like you are really going through a shift – I applaud you. One of the quotes I kept having go over in my mind was “Facing it, always facing it, that is the way to get through. Face it.” (think it was Joseph Conrad) Well you certainly have the courage to do that and are being very honest about your journey. I wish you well with your flight.

  4. Great post Caroline. There is nothing wrong with you or deeply ingrained in you which causes others to end up hurting you. While it can often feel that way, and sometimes so deeply that you feel as though your world is breaking, it is a great thing to be able to take a step back and realise your true worth. The Larson quote is fantastic and your post very thoughtful. I really enjoyed reading it, thank you for sharing. I will definitely be checking in again, x

  5. Caroline..
    Love your post.. I am writing from the other side of this.. the man who had the affair and cause all the damage.. i am very regretful for all that I have done. My marriage was not perfect but it did not justify my actions or how I hurt my wife. I will carry what I have done to my grave… I wish you the best in your path to healing…
    Howl

  6. Hi Caroline,
    I really liked this post. And I am in awe of the strength it takes to look this deep inside. Just from the event you describe above, you have shown amazing resiliance. I sincerely admire you.
    Belief in yourself is a hard thing to hold on to, at least for me. I am constantly questioning my own strength and belief in myself. Sometimes I think that I have no faith in my ability to climb out of this hole. Somedays, there is just on belief left. You have made me see that I have to look withing at the subconcious level to ever make an outward change.

    Thanks, Caroline. I am so glad I found your blog.
    xo -S.

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