This time in a different venue . I found it a bit distracting as the surroundings are so beautiful and tranquil. But I am becoming far more focused on the sessions. Finally!! I no longer want to abdicate – to look out of the window and avoid concentrating. So I was quite cross with myself when my mind wandered at one moment yesterday!!
I learnt why ‘the date on Friday’ didn’t work. It didn’t ‘tick the boxes’ which meet my values. It all starts with me. Meeting mine – in any situation – is the start point. The springboard into any situation. I didn’t on Friday evening!
But I also learnt yesterday what’s missing in my life. And it’s Adventure!
I got that in spades when I used to go gliding. Of course I did – most of the time I was getting a huge adrenalin rush (Actually on numerous occasions I was just plain scared!! – Sitting in a glider all on your own at 18,000ft with the clouds closing in beneath you and the possibility of hitting the ground before you can see it, when you come down to land is somewhat scary!!). I was hitting my values fair and square. After all Success was achieved every time I got back on the ground safely!!
When I was with Alex I also got Adventure in spades when we went to the amazing places he took me to. Deep into the Kalahari and Namib deserts – camping in the middle of nowhere, on our own. Driving those 100s of miles along desert tracks in Namibia and Botswana – with no one else in sight. Amazing, spine-tingling experiences. And that’s what I miss. That’s what’s been so hard to accept. That this man who experienced all those incredible moments with me should decide that he no longer wanted to do any more of them with me – despite his passion for those adventures and the shared experience and memories we have. That having spent all those times together he could just walk away as if none of that happened. What happened to that man? Where did he ‘go’?
I thought a great deal about that last night. Sad. So sad.
So Life Coaching was enlightening yesterday. But also tough. I had a lot to think about and take in. And think I did, as I drove home.
I wonder if an indicator of how much I really pay attention and work at what I want to achieve is feeling completely exhausted afterwards. I got home feeling completely drained and worn out. I could hardly keep awake. So my Saturday evening was not exactly exciting. Very down, very tired, very thoughtful.
I went to bed very early.
So having discovered what I am lacking. I now need to put that right! Sitting around mourning the change in my circumstances isn’t exactly adventurous!
I can do it! I achieved a moment of adventure last year when I went on a Tiger Watching holiday in India. But I need more. Much more! So I need to develop an action plan which gives me the buzz I now recognise I’m lacking in life! Maybe it’s a return to the gliding. Who knows. Yes the photography is great, it gives me a buzz when I take a good photo so it is very important to me and one which I really want to get much better at. Going to French conversation is also good. But I need adventure as well. Not all the time – far too exhausting! Just some of the time!!
So I have updated my Internet Dating profile to reflect what I want. Hopefully I have now excluded those ‘possible suitors’ whose only idea of a great holiday is in some over-the-top luxury hotel which could be anywhere, as they won’t feel I’m the one for them. Whereas someone who loves to ‘rough it’ in the middle of some remote spot in the middle of nowhere will think I might be!!
Because I need some adventure! (and maybe, just maybe, if I get a bit more adventure – I’ll get a bit more sleep and not be bouncing around at 4.30am when everyone else is in the land of nod!!!)