Further thoughts on my previous post! (Thoughts that came to me on my cycle ride on Saturday evening)
So if love is the feeling we give ourselves when we are with the ‘one we love’ what happens when they leave?
What happens to that feeling. Is it that feeling I’m craving? I haven’t experienced it over the last 2+ years. Au contraire – I’ve experienced acute pain, sadness, horror, depression – I could go on – but there is no need to list all the negative words the dictionary holds.
I’ve inflicted physical pain to my body by not eating and losing weight – far too much weight! (Note: I have now put 18 lbs back on! – which is good!). I’ve given myself massive sleep deprivation which hasn’t done my well-being any good at all.
So given all the clear truths about what love is – the logical, analytical conclusion – the one I reached on Wednesday – is that I don’t love Alex. I can’t do because the feeling I get when I think of him is not in any shape or form a happy, fun, contented one!
So, taking this a step further, what is it I’m feeling? Am I feeling loss? Loss of the person I did love and Loss of the Feeling I got when I was with him.
OK so is that it? Have I spent 2+ years misinterpreting my emotions? Have I hung on to thinking I was in love when actually I was in ‘loss’. Or have I got this wrong too?