Thank you for contributing!

Thank you to all those who are contributing to my mini-debate (which I hope you will continue to do! – Whichever post takes your fancy!).

I am really enjoying your views to these very important issues and the ensuing discussions.

And, of course, it would be great to discuss a great deal more!

For instance do we sub-consciously attract the type of partner we actually don’t want!

If I think about it I do have a tendency to attract ‘weak’ men.  Maybe because I am a good organiser and activator – who knows!   And because of my need to feel secure I think I can see the ‘adoration’ as a secure place to be.  Wrong!  I know I get nervous by someone who is too self-assured – probably because of what happened to me when I was 15 (he was a very self-assured 40 year old).  I now think I can be scared that that type of man would hurt me. The self-assured men I went out with in my 20s made me feel a bit insecure.

But then I didn’t feel 100% secure with Alex all the time.  And the more I got ‘pushed’ into being “masculine strong” the more uncomfortable and unloved I felt.  The more I asked to be loved, the more I got a lip-service response.  And I knew it was lip-service.  Even if I can only now admit it.

So, dear reader, do you think you attract / attracted a ‘wrong’ partner? And do you think you are in danger of doing the same again?  If so do you know why?

BTW – I also believe that  ‘Wrong’ partners can become ‘right’ partners – but they have to want to be.  To change and become the people they really want to be – deep inside themselves  – but that has to come from within them.

Lastly  (in case you’re wondering) – these debates have been my idea and mine alone!  Clearly they have come about as a result of all the life coaching I’m going through!  And one of the outcomes of that is  a wish to understand not only how I work, but how other people have worked these things out for themselves.  So in case you are wondering Stephen had no idea I was going to do this – but I must say I have enjoyed reading his input to the debates – I hope you have to!

(Admin note:  If you have posted on my blog before your comments will now appear immediately.  If you are new here you will need to wait until I approve your message  so I can feel happy that you genuinely want to take part in this interesting debate!)

4 thoughts on “Thank you for contributing!

  1. I do think , when choosing mates that we tend to be attracted more by what we subcounsiously recognise rather than what we need. I have followed your debates with interest. One of the things which interests me is that a single person can act so wonderfully in one situation and so badly in another. That goes for us as well as any prospective partners.. Coming to terms with all this the hardest past is in recognising yourself and the degree to which you contributed to any collapse in a relationship. Don’t worry. We’ve all been there and you are someone, I feel, who is on the brink of a raft of beautiful self discoveries. Any relationship which follows will be the better for it.

    • Thank you CountingDucks! One of the hardest things to take on board is that I am/was 100% responsible for my side of the relationship and my input into the relationship. That doesn’t mean I caused the failure. But it does mean I am responsible for me and how I behaved in the relationship.

      To accept I did what I did – albeit from a position of fear, means I recognise that I have responsibility. This is why I am going to life coaching as – although tough at times (understatement!!!) – I wanted to learn about me and also how I am perceived by others. I wanted to learn how I can be the real me I am deep inside and let people see that side of me without feeling out of control.

      I think I am getting there. Not in leaps and bounds – but steadily!!

      Learning who we need in life is an important aspect of this I believe.

  2. My mother once went to a psychology class in which they taught that people have no real choice in the matter of the partners they choose. Sounds strange huh? The point was that people (in this case women) are subconsciously attracted to their fathers, or to someone who has certain characteristics which were/are predominant in their fathers. The funny thing is that it can also be opposite. So whatever characteristic you strongly relate to your father, is the characteristic you will look for in your man. If you like that characteristic you will want your partner to have it. If you don’t like that characteristic, you will choose a partner who has the exact opposite characteristic.
    Does that make any sense? Probably not. But it does explain why we tend to go for the same character types every time. Well in any case I tried.

    • I don’t know. I do think we have a choice. In fact I know we do. The thing I’ve learnt is that until we can be ourselves and in a totally fearless place we can make the wrong choices. In fact it is probably too easy to make the wrong choice and too hard to make the right one.

      Learning what I have over the last few months has shown me that until and unless one is in a totally fearless place within oneself then the chances of repeating the mistake and picking the wrong person is almost a given because by being in the ‘wrong place’ we send out the wrong signals and so attract the ‘wrong people’

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