Or perhaps I should say couples watching!
Recently I’ve taken to watching how other couples inter-react. And by that I don’t mean the words they use, the terms of endearment (or not!), not even the body language – but the way they look at each other. A lot can be understood from a person’s eyes.
It’s truly wonderful to see warmth and love in someone’s eyes. Two of my closest friends – the two who I’ve told about this blog – share that warmth (both given and received) with their spouses. I don’t expect they even realise they do it. But wow do they. It is heart warming to watch how their eyes light up as they look at each other – however fleeting the look. It’s there.
I see it in others too. But I also notice when it’s absent. And it’s like a cold shower of sadness when I watch other couples almost beat each other up with just a look. Or should I say the absence of that look of love. There can be so much punishment dished out in a look.
Yesterday I met the wife of one of the anti-stadium campaigners I am working with. Even before she opened her mouth her eyes said it all. Contempt, bitterness and spite oozed from her eyes. I don’t think for me. But maybe she does see me as a threat – I hope not, because I’m not! (Why? Because I will never do to anyone else’s marriage what was done to mine).
Then she spoke. And her words confirmed the look she had given her husband. She spoke about him rather than to him. And none of the words were kind. This lovely, generous-hearted man, gave me an apologetic, sheepish smile. I wanted to say to her “There is absolutely no threat from me to your marriage but, for goodness sake, he will go in the end if you continue to treat him this way. What on earth are you giving him to want him to stay.”
So my dear readers, do you see the same things? Did you experience that sense of loss when your spouse stopped giving you love with their eyes. And was it that, without knowing it, that sparked something deep inside you which told you things weren’t right.
I know when I met the woman who was to become Alex’s OW that the look he gave her send a shudder down my spine. Though I’m not sure if the look was more lust than love. The trigger was too strong for me to distinguish that, plus I hadn’t learnt all that I’ve learnt now (from my life coaching and just the situation I’m now in). I also know that the look was not reciprocated. This woman was just plain predatory and determined to get what she seemed to be saying with her eyes was her right to have. There was no look of warmth and true desire in a loving way. No, there was determination and control.
So do we fail to notice these subtle but vital signs and act. Or do we ignore them or justify them to ourselves in our attempt to blank out what we don’t want to see or acknowledge.
I’d love to know what you think and to read about what you’ve noticed.