I’m short-changing me!

The trouble is I know I’m short-changing me!  How do I know?  I don’t sleep!

So although I achieved  a certain level of “Tigger Days” this weekend.  I’m afraid I had “Eeyore Nights”.  And Eeyore Nights are not at all good.  They are when I wake in a deep gloom, horror, sad, rubbishy down!  Which, dear reader, is unproductive, irritating, boring and no good for me, my welfare, my self-esteem or anything to do with growth, love, trust, respect, honesty, adventure or any other value I care to throw at myself!!

So when have I short-changed myself?  Well mainly on my ‘homework’!!

OK I behaved outrageously in town at the weekend by trying to hunt down an inflatable elephant. But I didn’t go that extra yard and do as Stephen had suggested! Why?  Because I became incredibly irritated by the whole concept of the idea so I allowed the stubborn, stoppy-teenager, part of me to take over and I convinced myself it was a silly idea!  That I was fed up with the whole LC process.  I didn’t want to play anymore and throw more cash at the process…..   I could go on!!!  I then embarked on a pointless ‘feeling sorry for myself’ exercise which kept me wonderfully ‘entertained’ for a large part of yesterday evening!!!  So much so I failed to do my french homework! 

Never mind short-changing myself.  For reasons that completely escape me I went into self-destruct mode.  I have to say it was impressive!!!

So having inflicted maximum damage on myself, I went to bed exhausted and surprise, surprise I didn’t sleep!!  Congratulations Caroline – have a gold star!!!

My other ‘homework’ tasks were to encourage some more dates on the Internet Dating sites I’m on.  So, avoiding the ones who look ‘worrying’ I sent out a mass of contact messages.

How many replies have I had???

ZERO!!!  

I do hope you realise, by now, that I am smiling at myself.  I do see the funny side of all this!!

And I am not going to give up on me – even if sometimes my sub-conscious seems to rather fancy the idea!

8 thoughts on “I’m short-changing me!

  1. OK. I’ll bite. What were you going to do with the inflatable elephant? Did I miss something?

    On a more serious note (I think.) let go of the negative self-talk. Play your father’s wonderful piano tapes when you go to bed. Very softly.

    You’re doing great, you know.

    • On 16 July we are going to march/parade through our local town to demonstrate against the Council’s plans to build a massive stadium, ‘sports village’ and over 600 houses on our local airfield – which is currently in very active use with light airplanes and gliders. We want the inflatable elephant at the front of the march – to demonstrate the White Elephant aspect of the idea. If you would like to learn more go to http://www.gasp-no.org/

      I am in charge of the elephant – so to speak!!!

  2. Oh Caroline, I feel for you, I really do. I’m with Pat too – you are hard on yourself. Maybe thinking about these things in terms of ‘homework’ is not such a good idea (too much pressure). Maybe just let things unfold for you a little more in their own time? I know it is hard, we want change to be sooner rather than later and I understand about lack of sleep – one of the symptoms of an overactive thyroid is a lot of wakefulness. I devised lots of things to do during the night – notebook to record thoughts, getting up and having a lovely ‘low light’ in the kitchen to make a hot drink – I used to imagine I was back camping 🙂 These may all be useless suggestions but you never know! Always remember though that you are doing really well – make lists of all you have achieved. I’m stopping now !
    Hope you get a night’s sleep soon.

    • I just get so irritated with myself. It isn’t exactly difficult to do!! And it’s even funny.

      So goodness knows why I’m behaving like a stroppy teenager!!

      • Dear stroppy teenager – it is hard to do! I love teenagers – they are on the cusp of a new stage of their life and that’s probably why they get a little stroppy – just like you are on the cusp – get ready, it’s going to be great!

        • LOL!!!

          I think I’m in for an interesting LC session this week too!! Still I’m determined to get through this stage!! It’s all good NLP stuff I’m sure!

  3. I’m with the others too. ANything worth doing takes time, and being impatient can lead to backwrd steps. Believe me, you may not feel it but you are an inspiration to many, including me, and the courage and candour you show are worthy of my and everyone else’s respect

    • Thank you! I’m really touched. And now I’ve had a cry – in a good way I think!!

      I just feel I keep letting myself down. And I know I shouldn’t. Patience has never been my strong point!!

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