How come the cheat “wins”

What bugs me – and I might add it bugs me big time – is how come the one who cheats, lies and runs and ends up living in a new relationship – all happy and snug, and presumably loved. Whereas the one who is honest, has integrity, is prepared to really work through the issues and believes in what he/she signed up to, is loving, caring and understanding – comes out of this with more hurt and pain than they can almost cope with.  And is left on their own.

Something tells me it should be the other way round!! 

As I say – just a view – but one which seems to be irritatingly going round and round my brain today.

There should be a bit more justice in this world!!!!   And in my view it should be skewed in favour of those like me and less towards those like Alex!

And finally I would add to the earlier post of “Real Men Don’t Cheat” :

“Real Men Don’t Run” (but maybe I picked that up from one of Stephen’s posts)!!

4 thoughts on “How come the cheat “wins”

  1. It seems that way, doesn’t it? I used to think that D had “won” but now I see it differently. He’s broke. Has no job. His girlfriend is sick. He’s angry at the world. And he’s aged 20 years in the past 5. Not a pretty sight.

  2. It’s hard to know how to answer this one but sometimes I think people have “left” relationships some time before they physically walk out, and maybe they’ve done lots of the searching before they leave so by the time they do so they are more together about the whole thing while the person left is in shock. There will never be a clear answer to this but controlling the things you can and rebuilding yourself the way you are doing so admirably is probably the best thing to concentrate on. We all support you in that and think of you with great affection

  3. I don’t know…right now, my husband is still here and I still feel like I am the one who lost. He wanted to stay, and I agreed to stay, and I have done everything I can to help him heal the damage he did to himself, as well as all of the work that I can do to heal myself and become stronger. I still feel like the loser. He broke it off with the other woman, made it plain that he is not leaving me, but she is still out there waiting patiently for her “soul mate”, her long lost love, who she knows will find her. Of course, while she is waiting, she is merrily engaging in other relationships, but of course they don’t work out because he is the love of her life. Right now, I don’t know who won in this situation, but it wasn’t me.

  4. Thank you everyone for your thoughts, comments, and support.
    It is a tough one. I’ve no idea when Alex ‘made his mind up’ – especially given the fact he spent 18 months after he’d actually gone wondering if he had made the right decision, saying he wanted to come back and then changing his mind! Brilliant for my mental state!!!

    I do still feel he ‘won’ and I ‘lost’. I’m the one who has had to build a new life on my own. He has companionship. I don’t!!

    Sorry that sounds as if I’m feeling sorry for myself. I’m not. It just feels the way it is!!

    I think the day I feel I’ve ‘won’ will be the day I know I’m truly through all this. And I know I will get there!! The Life Coaching has been a god send – because it has shown me I can!

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