One of my special readers – countingducks (I so love that name!) has just written a lovely post – packing – and it got me thinking about his view and how it links with what I am going through.
When Alex left he took nothing with him except his clothes, his camera and his pc. And I do mean NOTHING ELSE. He left all his past behind with me, even things he’d had before we were married: things he’d collected on his travels, photos of his childhood, family photos. During that first 10 months when he dithered about coming back, came back, left….. (I could go on but I probably have already!) he refused to take any of his belongings.
Finally we spent 3 days together laughing, crying and hugging and not clearing our home of his belongings whilst he wandered around looking at things but unable to pack them up – I did a lot of it. He took some stuff – but I put most of his belongings into the garage over the following weeks. Another year went by before he finally removed them. He couldn’t bear to pack up his life with me and leave – albeit he already had.
When I found Stephen (through an internet search) I had no idea what Relationship / Life Coaching involved, what the process would be or how it could help – his website just made me feel that he could and would.
After a few sessions I then persuaded Alex to go (independently from me) as I had hopes that by each having the chance to be ourselves and understand where we had gone astray then we would have a route to go back to how we were when our relationship was new and we gave and met each others’ needs all the time.
I have been ‘unpacked’ through Life Coaching. I have unpacked all the suitcases which I had locked and hidden away. Having been unpacked and made to look at the contents and understand them I have been able to address the skeletons lurking in the bottom of each suitcase and deal with them. Dealing with them has sometimes been a bit unnerving and even sometimes traumatic (as those of you who’ve followed this blog since before Christmas will know) but the result is that now, by understanding me so much better, I – hopefully – won’t have so much unpacking to do when I arrive in a new relationship!
As to Alex? He unpacked a bit. Probably the most traumatic bit which dealt with his childhood. The fact that he felt he wasn’t heard throughout his childhood. (That’s what he told me). Then he gave up. I believe he still has a great deal more unpacking to do. I strongly believe that if he took courage in both hands and continued then he would have the inner peace he craves. He would be able to stop running (or dithering in his case!).
So my take on Life Coaching is that it enables you to unpack in a safe, controlled, supportive and – most importantly – non-judgmental environment. The result is very liberating.
And as CountingDucks wrote so eloquently – until you finally unpack all the suitcases you cannot come home.