There’s still a brickwall in my mind!

A bizarre comment I know. But that’s what it feels like!   But there still seems to be a bit of my brain which is refusing to budge and accept the situation I’m now in.  It’s the bit that bounces to the fore in those initial moments when I wake every morning.  That bit which causes my heart to ache and still, instinctively to turn to where Alex should be but isn’t!

However,  I refuse to end up being one of those forlorn women I see so often, who almost relish the attention they think being forlorn gives them!

Damn it after spending all this money on Life Coaching I have to come out of this better than this!   This is what I say to myself every morning!!  As I wind myself up, yet again, to a positive frame of mind and so face the day!

I just feel it would be great to wake up feeling happy and wanting to embrace the day without the need to go through some convoluted process to get me there!

So each day I knock the wall down brick-by-brick, and each night the bricklayers rush in and put it back up!!  But maybe not as high!  So maybe I’m winning.

Of course on Wednesdays Stephen demolishes the wall completely and I go home feeling happy.  Then over the next few nights the wall gets rebuilt  albeit a lower wall – and round I go again!!

So my goal is to end up with no walls – not even rubble!

Clearly I need some more internet dating!  After all – if the next one is as hilarious as the last then at least I’ll have acres of material to use to write a book or another blog..!!

And another thing I really must wean myself off watching this blog and seeing how the blog statistics are doing.  Watching them won’t make them go up.

Writing good positive stuff just might!


11 thoughts on “There’s still a brickwall in my mind!

  1. Okay I’ve tried sitting on my hands to ‘not offer advice’!! but, just a suggestion – maybe give the coaching a stop for a little while to let all you have done settle a bit and then take some time to see what comes up /shifts over the next wee while? I know it is frustrating, trust me I’ve been there, honestly. Then you could always go back to the coaching and take it from there?

    • That sounds like a good idea lifereconnected. Sometimes we can get to be as dependent on the help as we were on the problem.

      At least the walls are not as high Caroline, that is a very positive thing and a great achievement too.

  2. I’m like Penny. I try not to give advice. But I like what she had to say. It makes sense. And I agree with Katie about the height of the wall. You’re getting there. Keep writing.

  3. I’ve no view on the coaching thing at the moment but if it makes you feel better and you can afford it then good for you. The walls are getting smaller and thats the main thing. I’m very pleased for you. Sometimes I look at my states and remember that line from Pink Floyd, “Is there anybody out there”, but some people pop by for a read and thats always nice

    • The Coaching has been a life saver! I just need to remember all I’ve learnt. When I do things go a great deal better! Re-enforcing the messages is what I need now, so they become part of my everyday life and I don’t have to keep reminding myself all the time!

      BTW I’m very impressed that you’ve actually managed to get back on line after moving with such speed!

  4. You are mourning – you lost the life you had, as well as the image of that life. You also had a plan for the future. From everything you’ve said, your new future will be happier and healthier, but that doesn’t mean that the change isn’t difficult. Give yourself a break 🙂

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