A piece of me is still missing

I’ve just been catching up with one of my readers – a wonderful girl who is going through much the same as me.

She writes incredibly eloquently and her last post brought tears to my eyes and touched my heart.  As she left her home – the one she had with her now ex – and flew back to her family. That moment, for her, of the final goodbye.  And of course, like all guilt-ridden men he had to make it harder for her by (from what I can gather) being kind and loving and – as is so often – hoping they could remain friends.

What is it with these men.  They smash up your heart.  Break it into small pieces.  Treat us worse and more unkindly than they would any other person in the world and then cheerfully announce at the end that they hope to remain friends!  Wow!

So here I am  this morning feeling rather empty.  It’s though a piece of me is still missing.  A piece I still need to find and put back into my life.  I’ve come to realise it’s Alex who has the piece, and always will have.  He can’t give that piece back unless he chooses to and I choose to accept it. So I have to fashion a new piece to fit the gap in me – that gaping hole – to finally heal myself and make Me whole again.

Creating and moulding my future will finally create that final piece of the jigsaw.  It won’t be the same jigsaw but it can be and will be as good – if not better – than the one I had before.

So as I’ve just written on Goodbye2MrWrong’s blog:  I just need to keep reminding myself:  “Remember (and say it over and over again) the future is yours.  You can be who you want to be, you can have what you want to have. You can do what you want to do.  The future is a white canvas waiting for you to paint your new future on it.  It’s not far – just a few steps away.  Lean forward and you can touch it.  You are already.  Each step you take is one step in the right direction.  One step nearer to holding that piece of the jigsaw of your life which, when fitted, will finally turn the jigsaw into an amazing, new picture.

And remember the new picture will be so good you won’t want to let it go – ever!  Then and only then will you be able to consider and contemplate being friends with the person who smashed up the old picture.  Only then will there be the possibility of being able to say ‘yes I can be friends’ and ‘Yes I can finally forgive'”

6 thoughts on “A piece of me is still missing

  1. The great thing about your blog is the raw honesty of it, and I always think that is so impressive. You’re right about the future being a blank canvass, but sometimes the past is the set of paint brushes we use to create on it. Until we get our brushes in order we have trouble in creating something beautiful. Over the short time I have known you through Blogland I have always been struck by how hard you work on your paintbrushes, and believe me, no one deserves a better future than you for the courage you have shown us in so many ways.

    • Hi thank you for your lovely words. I promised myself back when I started this blog that I would write it all. Never mind what! Hence all the Life Coaching, the Eureka Moments – even the moments of my past which I have had trouble facing.

      I’m glad I’ve done so and it has helped and helps even now as I can look back on what I’ve been through.

      I like your idea of the paint brushes. Getting them in order – and with the right colours – is a great way to look at the future!

      Thank you.

  2. You will find that missing piece – a better replacement for the old one. You know yourself so much better than in the days with Alex; that discarded piece will then take a bearable and warm place in your past. Finding the new piece will take time because you are wary now, but it will arrive when you least expect it (stop looking) and you will not recognise it at first (stop analysing every new encounter). Let life flow on around you, sit back for a while, plan a new adventure. And if it’s adventure you want, let me tell you about my trip to America. New York will wipe your mind clear, and its frenetic pace will leave you no time for dwelling on the bad. Michigan and Connecticut are also wonderful remedies. Take a good friend along to share the excitement and amazement. I’m sure it would be such contrast to your previous adventures, and one that you have not share with A. Of course, I may be talking about bringing coals to Newcastle… And of course your divorce lawyer has already spent your holiday money… However, there are good long weekend deals to be had.

  3. Caroline I feel honoured. A post inspired by my writing. And from the way you’ve described it, I now have high standards to write by. Thank you. You’re truly amazing.

    Life for us is definately a white canvas now, and having learned so much about ourselves during this difficult, painful and life-altering time; we get to paint a new picture, hopefully a brighter one, with more solid colors that will last longer.

    As for the missing piece of the puzzle, I guess it will take some time before a new piece truly fits. Maybe it will happen when we stop searching for it, or maybe when we stop wanting that piece to be filled. I don’t know.

    For now I know that I’ve managed to temporarily fill the void with other different smaller pieces (called family and friends) who bring me joy and envelop me with love. Oh and I’m reading a new book on how to find and hold onto happiness. I’ll be posting about it soon. So keep an eye out for my more cheerful upcoming blogs.


  4. I’m so so glad you’re with your family now and they are enveloping you in their love. I look forward to hearing more about the book…

    Hugs to you too

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