I’ve just been catching up with one of my readers – a wonderful girl who is going through much the same as me.
She writes incredibly eloquently and her last post brought tears to my eyes and touched my heart. As she left her home – the one she had with her now ex – and flew back to her family. That moment, for her, of the final goodbye. And of course, like all guilt-ridden men he had to make it harder for her by (from what I can gather) being kind and loving and – as is so often – hoping they could remain friends.
What is it with these men. They smash up your heart. Break it into small pieces. Treat us worse and more unkindly than they would any other person in the world and then cheerfully announce at the end that they hope to remain friends! Wow!
So here I am this morning feeling rather empty. It’s though a piece of me is still missing. A piece I still need to find and put back into my life. I’ve come to realise it’s Alex who has the piece, and always will have. He can’t give that piece back unless he chooses to and I choose to accept it. So I have to fashion a new piece to fit the gap in me – that gaping hole – to finally heal myself and make Me whole again.
Creating and moulding my future will finally create that final piece of the jigsaw. It won’t be the same jigsaw but it can be and will be as good – if not better – than the one I had before.
So as I’ve just written on Goodbye2MrWrong’s blog: I just need to keep reminding myself: “Remember (and say it over and over again) the future is yours. You can be who you want to be, you can have what you want to have. You can do what you want to do. The future is a white canvas waiting for you to paint your new future on it. It’s not far – just a few steps away. Lean forward and you can touch it. You are already. Each step you take is one step in the right direction. One step nearer to holding that piece of the jigsaw of your life which, when fitted, will finally turn the jigsaw into an amazing, new picture.
And remember the new picture will be so good you won’t want to let it go – ever! Then and only then will you be able to consider and contemplate being friends with the person who smashed up the old picture. Only then will there be the possibility of being able to say ‘yes I can be friends’ and ‘Yes I can finally forgive'”