Lost boys

Before I ‘get going’ and fire this latest ‘pearl’ of Caroline’s perceived ‘wisdom’ into the ether  I will state that a lot of what appears below has been inspired by talking to Stephen (Life Coach) and his views.  So the credit is his.  No credit to me.  I just hope he doesn’t mind me ‘waxing lyrical’ on the subject!

So here are  my views!

Where have all the Men gone?  And I don’t mean there aren’t any ‘out there’.  It’s just that there are too many Lost Boys.

Men who are failing to be – just that – Men. When it comes to relationships they seem to ‘fall over’ and play dead.  They aren’t standing firm and fighting for what they had, what they could have, what is staring them in the face – if they would only open their eyes and really look.

Have the women ( mainly mothers – I think) in their lives failed them and only taught them  just to take and not give.  Have they never been taught the basics?  Have they only learnt to expect the world to provide for them on an emotional level rather than to be responsible for their share of the providing?  What has happened in our ‘society’ that we now seem to be producing so many Lost Boys.

They ‘appear’ in all walks of life. In fact even some of the most amazingly successful business men seem to suddenly crumble and fail when it comes to the one of the most important things in their lives – their relationship with their wife.  The person they supposedly committed to for life.

Faced with a decline in – say – passion in their marriage they run. And – oh yes – they don’t run until someone new rolls up and offers them a refuge to run to.   Then rather than take responsibility for their lack of commitment they fire out all the old cliches.

“My wife doesn’t understand me”,
“I can’t talk to you”,
“The sex was OK but just physical – there was no love”
“You don’t listen”

Yes they blame.  They blame; they don’t take responsibility. They take; they don’t give.  And having taken and taken and not got what they perceive is their right to have, they go bouncing off to take from someone new.  And leave a trail of destruction behind.

Quite a few MEN visit this blog  (Counting Ducks, AJ, and others (My LC included – clearly!!) – I hope you don’t mind me ‘naming’ you!) – so guys this is not directed at you!  In fact what would be great is if you would please clone yourselves and go out and repopulate the world.  Because the world is in great need of you.

Well, at the very least,  I know I am (and I don’t think I’m alone)!  Because I want a giver and a sharer, not a taker.

I want my man (when I find him) to be a Man!


11 thoughts on “Lost boys

  1. Change the my wife doesn’t listen to my husband doesn’t listen and the above goes for wives that cheat too….(well at least mine). Now mine made one hell of a choice. Her new man has cheated on pretty much every relationship he has been in. But…this one is different. At least that’s what they say.

    • So – it seems to me – she’s been lured into this idea that she can be this man’s ‘saviour’. She’ll be the one who ‘turns him round’. Wrong! The only person who can change ‘you’ is ‘you’. And until men like the one she has run to actually start taking responsibility for themselves and stop blaming the world for their failings then – sadly – women like your wife will continue to prop them up. Result: Disaster all round. The fallout is massive.

      Good men – like you – are truly special. Maybe your wife needs to experience more pain before she realises there was a better route and solution.

      At least that’s how I see it!

  2. Immaturity. There is no age limit to being immature.

    We live in a world where everything we want is available, for a price, yes, but instant satisfaction is guaranteed. It takes work and maturity to make a relationship last, why bother working at it when we can just ‘move on’ to instant satisfaction of whatever it seems that we are missing. Why give when we can just take?

    For me, something I need to work at or for has much more value. Some people prefer to have what they want instantly.

    You perfectly described my ex. He could never take any responsibility for anything, the whole thought if that scared him to death. It was always someone else’s fault, no matter what it was. He was immature, I should have seen it.

    Enlightening post Caroline, thank you.

    • I don’t think it’s just immaturity – it’s more than that – it’s as if they’ve never learnt, never been taught. It is fundamental stuff – as if, as I’ve called this post – they are just plain LOST.

      Lost and confused.

  3. Katy is right when she says we live in a world of instant gratification. Hence the credit crunch apart from other problems. Also we can act with greater anonymity ( very probably miss-spelled – but corrected by Caroline!). When you married a boy or girl from the local community everything you did was scrutinised making it much harder to “Run off”. It is very unlikely that we are intrinsically better or worse than our parents. We have the opportunity to express, explore and destroy ourselves which they didn’t have. Lastly, men, feeble as we are, are powered by “being understood” and flattery. . In the rush of life , possibly, women forget this, and then some other women steps into the breach and orf (deliberate miss spelling) we go.

    Now I don’t enjoy answering this question, and these are only brief theories. I’m answering out of respect for you. Never the less I am now reaching for my Tin Helmet and hiding under the bed in case I’ve caused an explosion.

    • You have a good point CD. Have we (women) stopped them from giving. Not consciously but maybe sub-consciously?

      I’m not saying we have – I’m just throwing it into the debate.

  4. Countingducks, it’s very difficult to ‘understand’ someone who does not even attempt to understand you, or to accept life’s problems rather than hiding them behind another woman’s skirts. Flattery? Women too like to be flattered. That’s not a recipe for a successful relationship, just a cop-out.

  5. Give’em hell, Carrie. This is a heartfelt tirade and I can confirm that most of what you said describes my ex. I would add, though, that I do know a lot of good, mature men who are dedicated to their wives and marriages. And not to worry countingducks, I promise not to strike your tin helmet with any of my metal darts. 🙂

  6. Pingback: Where Is My Knight in Shining Armor? My John Wayne? « So, Now I'm A Statistic

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