Besotted!

There is something I haven’t been telling you about!! Mainly because I haven’t known how to put into words!

I’ve had an ‘interesting’ few weeks!  And not just of the campaigning front!

One of my fellow campaigners has become besotted with me!  B – as I shall call him for obvious reasons – is married and in a marriage which isn’t going too well. Masses of problems which he (and his wife) need to resolve.  Unable – or so he thinks – to resolve them he has allowed himself to consider wandering (despite his emphatic statement that this is not the case!).  I know – because I’m getting all the signs!

However, I am NOT his solution!  I won’t be – ever.  For all the reasons I’ve mentioned on this blog and also to him.  I will never be. He could be the most fanciable man on the planet (and btw in case you’re wondering – I don’t fancy him!) and he would still not get anywhere.  Because I will stand true to my statement never to do to anyone else’s marriage what was done to mine.  Ever.

That being said it’s done my ego a great deal of good!  It has been flattering to be ‘chatted up’, to be reminded I am attractive! Although I do have to admit I find the recent avalanche  of incoming emails a bit overwhelming!  Plus the outpourings of back-handed compliments as he struggles and questions why he finds me so attractive!  (Charming!!).

He knows where I stand.  I’ve told him – several times –  over the last couple of weeks.  And I mean it. I’ve told him he needs to talk to someone who has the tools to help him.  I’ve told him I don’t.

But at the moment he is almost drowning in a stack of mixed emotions.  I’ve suggested a route – which he is now taking – to rekindle his marriage.  So I wish him well.  And hopefully as he refocuses his life on where it should be focused he will let go of the prop he has turned me into.  He needs to.

Anyway, all this has got me thinking.  Who are our true, real friends?.  And my view is our true friends really encourage us to do the best and be strong.  To take the ‘noble’ route as the outcome could well be the better one.

When Alex had his meltdown and left, he was being encouraged to do so by work colleagues (mainly female) to clear off, have the affair, enjoy himself and go for it!  Wow!  I wonder how these women would react if they found their husbands being encouraged in this way!   He ran into the arms of the OW who “Only wanted him to be happy”!  Wow again!    A couple of  his true friends attempted to get him to dig deep and address his issues.  He ran from those!! He didn’t need to listen as he had so many other ‘friends’ encouraging him to run.   He was all too happy to quote the ones who encouraged him to be the lesser being rather than the stronger one.  And all through this he kept telling me he wanted to be a man not a wimp!!

So I hope I’ve been a true friend to B.  I hope he sees that eventually (though he’s unlikely to just now) .

6 thoughts on “Besotted!

  1. Thanks Pat and Julie. At the moment I think he sees me as being cold and unkind. He wants to talk but I don’t see any future in him pouring out his problems to me so I’ve stopped him. Any anyway I really don’t want to know!

  2. You’re right to send him off back to the wife. If he has something he needs to pour out, it should be to her. That’s the only tip you can give him: to never stop communicating with her.
    You have been a true friend and someday he may see it.

  3. I commend you on your stand. You are being a better friend than he could possibly realize right now. Encouragement gives him an excuse not to confront problems in his marriage. You would be an escape and a “reason” to make his marriage bad.

    Your words “A couple of his true friends attempted to get him to dig deep and address his issues. He ran from those!! He didn’t need to listen as he had so many other ‘friends’ encouraging him to run. He was all too happy to quote the ones who encouraged him to be the lesser being rather than the stronger one. And all through this he kept telling me he wanted to be a man not a wimp!!” Change the word wimp to the word’s “life my life to the fullest”….and this perfectly describes X. She was told that in order to spread her wings, she had to leave some things behind. (me). That if she was not getting what she wanted out of life every day (gosh…isn’t that called life??) to change it and leave.

    When this situation would come up and I was the object of affection, I was also firm and explained that I was not an option and never would be. The “idea” of me was probably much more appealing than I can ever be anyway. I would tell them to remember what they married for and work on that, or leave….but that leaving for someone else usually meant that they would be running away from their own problems and be looking for someone to “save” them from themselves.

    In the end, the affair partner’s rarely last long term. I don’t have the statistics with me, but I know the numbers are low.

    • Hi. Thank you for your comments. The problem is no one can run from themselves. There are also too many books available encouraging people to ‘find wild love’ – to somehow throw everything away in some sort of vacuum search for their true selves. All I can say is bo**ocks!! Alex is completly taken in by these sorts of books. Maybe one day he’ll learn.

      As for B all I can hope is that I have been the catalyst which has finally triggered a desire to confront his problems and do something about them.

      Time will tell!

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