The Psychology of Winning

I spent a while deciding what to call this post.  Ideas ranged from “Bad habits die hard” to the one I’ve finally decided on.

A great deal has been written on the Psychology of Winning. Books and books!  None of which I have read!! So this perspective is based on zero academic knowledge!

However I do know that people who ‘win’ get there by making their mistakes faster and also “Don’t look back”.  They accept – totally – that the situation they’re in is the situation there in and then work like crazy to move on to the next goal, to improve the situation, to try again, etc.

I do have a fairly competitive streak in me.  Not necessarily to ‘win’ outright but to be successful.  My problem with my current situation is that I keep wanting to be successful at the one thing that I can’t be.

This is where the other subject title of this post comes in.  We all have bad habits.  Be it smoking (not me), biting our nails (not me), swearing (me!), being over nostalgic (me!), over tenacious (me)……  I could go on!  Breaking these destructive habits really is hard.  They refuse to die.  Ever since Alex left, and particularly since I started going to Life Coaching,  I’ve felt as if I’m in a battle with me.  On the one hand there’s the me who knows full well that the situation I’m in is the situation I’m in and the only way I’m going to change it is not to look back but forward. Then my sub-conscious wakes me at 4.00 in the morning and demands answers to masses of questions which are unlikely ever to be answered and even if they were would not actually improve the situation one iota, because the answers wouldn’t be the ones I want to have.

I do better when I’m busy and have things to do to take my mind off all the rubbish which hangs around in my mind just waiting for an opportunity to rush to the fore!  I haven’t been busy this weekend.  But that shouldn’t be a problem.  I should be able to be at peace and happy even when I’m not busy!  So I’ve been reminding myself of my Values, rules and my goals!

I know I’m getting there.  I know I can be loved.  I know I will be OK.  I know I will ‘Win’.   I just wish someone would tell my sub-conscious mind all this so it leaves me alone!!

7 thoughts on “The Psychology of Winning

  1. I’m about the same as you when it comes to reading books on this subjects. I do know that many of the things we are meant to win at are not worth fighting for but that inner composure and a sense of self worth are certainly goals we should seek. Nothings easy but , as I always say, in the stormy world I see more sunshine poking through in your life than was there when I first came across you blog so here I am on a Sunday morning, raising my cup of tea to you and saying “Well done You”

    • Thank you so much. I appear to be a bit tearful this morning which is a pain!

      Your comments, support and affirmations are so important so thank you again. Even if for some reason I had a weep when I read this just now!!


  2. If I were a Psychologist I would probably tell you that its ok to dig deep and look into your past, if only in order to figure out why you are nostalgic and stubborn. What are the things that you so long for. That is what psychologists do isnt it? Go back in order to figure out the real problem.

    As a fellow girl (in a similar situation to yours) sans psychology degree, I would say that its obvious what you’re nostalgic about. Its plain to see that you miss the YOU that was happy when you were with Alex. You miss just being happy without thinknig about it.

    Suddenly you have to remind yourself to be happy when before it came so easily. And while everyone always says you need to learn to be happy alone, you cant help but feel that you miss something in life (probably Alex) that makes you happy.

    I know you’ll get there. Youre doing a great job. Even if sometimes your subconcious takes you back one step.


  3. I think you must have been musing on the “why do the cheaters win” theme.
    These events sap self confidence. The only way they can’t is if one is a psycopath….so the fact that you are pondering. proves you don’t fall in that category.
    Even when you “know” you are getting there and “know” what you can be and “know” all you…there are still moments of doubt.
    AND….it’s all normal.
    You are making very positive strides.
    Which of your 50 values would help you here??
    Peace to you

  4. Thank you.

    To answer your question:

    Respect, Love, Trust, Courage, Intelligence, Strength, Adventure, Significance, Security, Giving, communication, Fun, Femininity, Making a Difference

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