“Runaway Bride” should be compulsory viewing

I don’t know how many times I’ve seen Runaway Bride.  OK I know – Julia Roberts as Julia Roberts (and how many women don’t fancy Richard Gere!!).  It seemed to be on all the time last summer.  Every time I tried to escape the horror of my situation by watching TV there it was to taunt me once more!

But actually it has an incredibly important message if you strip out the comedy and the Hollywood gloss – and some of the more bizarre aspects of the plot!  It is a very honest film.

Maggie (Julia Roberts) keeps baulking marriage at the last minute – she literally runs from the altar!

Why?  Because she hasn’t worked out who she is.  She tries to become the person she thinks her husband-to-be wants her to be and then, actually, has the decency to run before she finally commits, because she is not living true to herself.

It’s only when she finally realises this and works out her identity that she is able to commit.  And she ends up committing to the man she last ran from because she’d  discovered she not only loved him but she loved herself as well.

I wonder how many people actually commit to someone in the hope that will be the solution to their problems (whatever those problems may be) rather than really look to themselves first.  Did Alex and I do that?  Probably!  That being said we succeeded in being remarkably happy for 17 years so we had a very strong connection which could have continued to grow except for one huge issue.  Alex didn’t  love himself.

I don’t think he does now.  His actions are not those of someone who is happy with who he is.  He could have left me with integrity, honesty and truth.  He didn’t.

He left – he came back – he left – he said he wanted to be sure if he came back it was for the right reasons – he finally said he wasn’t coming back – 3 times!

When he cleared out his clothes he left items hanging in his cupboard.  He kept saying he didn’t want a divorce!   He was unable to collect the final remainder of his belongings from our house until 2 years after he’d left and had to do it as I was moving.

He couldn’t even tell me he’d bought a house with his ‘new partner’ and so left me to find out via the divorce papers.

None of these actions – to me – are of someone who is happy with who they are or what they’ve done or are doing.  He hasn’t told any of his closest friends, in fact he has cut himself off from them.  They’ve been left stunned by his behaviour and  baffled, confused and hurt by his rejection of them.

Maybe the pain has to get worse for him before he will finally dig deep enough to find the real him and the Man he says he wants to be. I hope he realises that soon.  For his sake.

As to the OW and what she’s getting out of all this.  If I’m honest I am clearly not in a position to comment.  I don’t know her.  48 hours of her company was enough for me!  Perhaps she has a massive need for Significance and Significance for her is rescuing ‘lost souls’!  The trouble with that is, is once you’ve ‘rescued’ the ‘lost soul’ and they’re no longer ‘lost’ what do you do then!

Anyway maybe Alex should watch Runaway Bride and really take in the message:  You cannot run from yourself – however green the grass looks on the other side of the fence.

And as I said over a year ago:  The grass may appear greener – but it could just be astro turf!

10 thoughts on ““Runaway Bride” should be compulsory viewing

  1. Substitue X in for Alex (and few tweaks on the details)….and it appears we married much the same person. The one major exception is they are exuberant in their public declarations of love…trying to force the issue to justify the affairs.
    The sucky part is that I can still look at her and my heart jumps. I can’t speak to her and the sound of her voice or an email sets my stomach in motion…but this is now her. And this is now Alex.

    • Yup same here! Which is why I emailed him and said no more contact I just can’t handle it.

      Actually he’s kept his new love completely hidden. The only people who have met her are his brother and sister. He doesn’t mention her to anyone else and has only kept in contact with one of our joint friends – and he has never mentioned her to them!!!!

      As I say the film should be compulsory before anyone contemplates the married state!!!

  2. For the record I have seen the film a few times myself and always enjoyed it. You are probably right that Alex is still trying to “find” himself, and in the process went off the rails and left the fine women we have all got to know. His Loss. In time I believe his loss will be your gain and you will end up in a situation which provides a much deeper level of emotional nourishment and satisfaction.

  3. Love this post. You are so right.
    You cannot run from yourself, no matter how hard you try.
    Thats why our husbands ran from us. They thought that we were the problem .That running was the solution. But I’m guessing once they stop to take a breath, they’ll figure that they ran from the wrong person, and straight into the wrong arms.

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