Help for the Suddenly Singles

I’ve just a whiz round my favourite blogs.  See links on the right>>>>

Here some of us, are not necessarily floundering round in our single state, but are in need of companionship, company and someone to do things with.  Some of us SSs are launching ourselves onto the Internet Dating scene with varying results (I won’t suggest success as I don’t think any of us have achieved what we are looking for).

What we need is help and guidance!!  How to get the best for ourselves from whichever routes we have chosen.

One of my blogging friends feels she doesn’t want another serious relationship as she’s made 2 bad choices in her life already.  That’s her choice and I totally respect it.  But wouldn’t it be great for her if she discovered in herself what it is that either attracts her to the ‘wrong choices’ or makes the ‘wrong choices’ head for her.  So she is then totally free to have all the choices the world can offer!

For me it seems I have an amazing ability to attract weak men!  OK I’ve now learned to keep a weather eye out for them.  But am I putting strong men off?  And if so what am I doing or portraying  – or hiding – which is stopping strong men wanting to sweep me off my feet and care for me the way I want to be cared for and protected!  Because, yes I’m scared of getting it wrong again.

A lot of us are finding our feet again.  We are understandably finding this rather un-nerving and are feeling a bit wary.  We are bruised. We don’t want to be hurt again.  We need to trust ourselves not to be.

Whether we just want someone to be a companion to go to the theatre with, the occasional dinner out, or whether we are looking for a long-term commitment, the problem is the same.  How do we ensure we’ll be safe and attract the right sort of person?  Are there things we should be doing and asking ourselves to make sure we make the right choices?  And that the right choices make a bee line for us!

So come on gurus out there.  Give us some guidance and assistance!!!

(I feel this could be a good subject for a blog post from SH – I just might email him and suggest it!)

9 thoughts on “Help for the Suddenly Singles

  1. Great question…

    When you consider the sort of man you want to attract to you, what sort of traits do you think he will look for in his ideal woman?

    If you have set your standards high for him, then you must also have high standards for you.

    So the question is… what version of you needs to be present so that you will attract him?

    In other words become an amazing you.

  2. Can we ever be sure? I think we already learned that there are no guarantees in life. However, I think we can take what we’ve learned about our ex-partners and especially about ourselves to avoid making the same mistakes we made before, to avoid attracting the same characters. And I’m pretty sure that our defense mechanism are much higher now. So put all that together, and i dare say that i think it might just make a great recipe for a better match the next time around.

    • Goodness knows if we can or not. As you say there are no guarantees. But having some guidance and help, some pointers in the right direction is also good.

      Because the wrong choices can be very good and disguising themselves as the right ones! Least it seems so to me!

  3. Ha, that’s a great post, thanks. I’ve been circling around the same idea for a little while now, and like you, don’t really have the answer. I don’t think I’ve been anything less than myself in previous relationships, so does that mean I have to change who I am to stop attracting eejits?
    You could also reverse your question, and wonder why YOU get attracted by weak men… Or view things differently, and assuming they are “normal” people when you meet them, wonder what makes them behave weakly once they are in a relationship with you?
    Let me knoz if you find some answers!

    • I think weak ‘men’ (I use this term loosely!) get attracted to strong women as the strong women are seen by them as a solution. The trouble with that is we don’t get much back – in the end! And they then find they aren’t getting what they thought they needed so go off in search of another.

      I think the answer is we have to remain strong and being the true us but be prepared to show our vulnerable side – so giving the strong men the chance to demonstrate their strength and caring side. I’d hoped we’d get more from Stephen on the subject but his one post seemed to be our lot!!! He puts it all so much better than I can.

      I did find a post of his on the subject which I’ve given a link to!

  4. Speaking from the other side of the fence I can’t really say If I’m a strong man or a weak man. Never really thought about it. We all have strenghs and weaknesses I suppose. I’ll have to ask my partner, but perhaps I’l make sure I’m hiding behind a chair first LOL.

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