Abandonment in Passion

A draft of this post has been hanging around for quite some time (months). I’ve not published it because of how you dear readers might react:  Embarrassment possibly; pity for me – maybe, even a degree of “Why is she telling us this”.  “This is too acutely personal”.  Well  finally  I realized I had two choices – delete it or publish!  I’ve decided to publish – because I do this for me – as you all know!!!.  So here it isYour reaction is – of course, as always – your choice!

This is maybe  a “Too Much Information” post for some of you – my blogging friends!  So you don’t need to read!!  But honesty has always been the watchword of this blog – so honesty about everything is what I write here – and you, dear reader, get to read it – if you want!

Abandonment in passion is an issue which does haunt me.  Abandonment in Passion is something I think about a great deal.  Something I always wanted (I imagine most of us do) and rather too frequently didn’t get – or  maybe more importantly – allow myself to have.  That ability to let go into the moment and abandon myself in being made love to.   OK  I ‘got there’ – fairly often – but not as often as I would have liked.  Somehow, so often, I didn’t feel safe enough to ‘go for it’!  I didn’t feel engaged.  Somehow I felt left out.  That I was missing out.  Yup – a lot to do with my history I know ( see Eureka moments if you want to know more) – but that doesn’t mean I didn’t want to – don’t want to.  I just didn’t know how sometimes – and I now believe I didn’t get much help.  I couldn’t talk about it. So I didn’t. So he didn’t know.

Anyway one of my Facebook friends posted this video link of a song.  A very seductive and passionate song:

This is what I wanted a lot more of from Alex – amongst other things:
This is truly beautiful.  That intimate experience  –  I hope you’ll find it’s worth playing and enjoy listening….  It would be lovely to discover it can be as good as that………. all of the time!

7 thoughts on “Abandonment in Passion

  1. Ahhh. I know this abandonement. Sometimes it is circumstantial with kids, crazy schedules. Unfortunately that can then become habit. But, passion waxes and wanes too. I was always passionate for my wife but I was also accepting of circumstance (maybe I was too easy going about that, knowing that the journey was long and I could always keep the end in sight). X, longed for more passion (not from me necessarily, but in her life) and could not see the end of the path because she l\kept stubbing her toe on the little obstacles.
    Intimacy became almost non-existent. The last year of our marriage would not have had an intimacy total that rivaled a week of our dating. But I still longed for her and desired her. I have said it before…that one of the great things about marriage is being able to take some things for granted…but it is also one of the great banes too.
    Sigh….

  2. You had me hooked from ‘This is too much information’ 😀

    But it isn’t. It’s you, how you feel. I know well the issues with abandonment in lovemaking. I don’t know the answer. It seems there is a lot I don’t know right now.

    Only with one person have I felt comfortable enough to truly let myself go. Yep, the dreaded ex. Perhaps that is why I miss him so much. Why him? Maybe because he was younger? Unfortunately, he was hopeless in bed, made love as if he was emulating a porn film (he probably was). But even so, I could be me, abandoned me, not shy me. Odd huh?

    The video is beautiful.

      • I’m not sure if you mean the abandonment or the video, but either way, thank you!

        I wonder why sex is such a difficult subject in this country. Always kept dark and hidden. In Portugal it is open, sex shops advertised on billboards, the stores – with peep show booths – in the middle of the high street. Here it is secretive, something we do not talk about. Perhaps that is part of the problem.

        • The video I love – and long to be able to ‘be like that’. but I get hooked up over being touched. And it can be a big issue. Not always. But I do have a mental block. Probably a lot due to being assaulted as a 15 yr old.

  3. I remember when I discovered the difference between sex and making love. Suddenly finding myself lost in someone who was lost in me and the sense of “oneness” it produces. Nothing can be greater than that, and there are no replacements.

    • I wonder if I failed because I didn’t feel safe. I really do feel as if I short-changed myself rather. And yet I thought I was so happy. But – to be honest – the sex was an issue for me. And I so didn’t want it to be.

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