A draft of this post has been hanging around for quite some time (months). I’ve not published it because of how you dear readers might react: Embarrassment possibly; pity for me – maybe, even a degree of “Why is she telling us this”. “This is too acutely personal”. Well finally I realized I had two choices – delete it or publish! I’ve decided to publish – because I do this for me – as you all know!!!. So here it is! Your reaction is – of course, as always – your choice!
This is maybe a “Too Much Information” post for some of you – my blogging friends! So you don’t need to read!! But honesty has always been the watchword of this blog – so honesty about everything is what I write here – and you, dear reader, get to read it – if you want!
Abandonment in passion is an issue which does haunt me. Abandonment in Passion is something I think about a great deal. Something I always wanted (I imagine most of us do) and rather too frequently didn’t get – or maybe more importantly – allow myself to have. That ability to let go into the moment and abandon myself in being made love to. OK I ‘got there’ – fairly often – but not as often as I would have liked. Somehow, so often, I didn’t feel safe enough to ‘go for it’! I didn’t feel engaged. Somehow I felt left out. That I was missing out. Yup – a lot to do with my history I know ( see Eureka moments if you want to know more) – but that doesn’t mean I didn’t want to – don’t want to. I just didn’t know how sometimes – and I now believe I didn’t get much help. I couldn’t talk about it. So I didn’t. So he didn’t know.
Anyway one of my Facebook friends posted this video link of a song. A very seductive and passionate song:
This is what I wanted a lot more of from Alex – amongst other things:
This is truly beautiful. That intimate experience – I hope you’ll find it’s worth playing and enjoy listening…. It would be lovely to discover it can be as good as that………. all of the time!