I’d love some feedback

I’d love some feedback from those who followed the discussion and those who have read it through!  Please let me know if you found it useful and if so what you gained – if anything!  It would be great if you could share your views with the rest of us.

(and I promise I won’t let your views turn into another discussion!!  I will ‘kill off’ any replies!!). 

Or – If you would like to say something but not for the public domain then you can email me:  carolinectw@gmail.com

Thanks – Caroline

12 thoughts on “I’d love some feedback

  1. Hey there,
    Well as you know, I’ve found the discussion fascinating…

    I could see so much of myself in LFBA’s answers, and I could feel the same resistance that Stephen’s replies triggered because they touch to subjects which while deep down I know to be true are incredibly painful to accept.

    This was for me the most painful of these truths, and I still find it very hard to accept without feeling like a failure: “When any person leaves a relationship there is always a “needs” problem for that person. It’s always the hardest thing to accept if you are the one that’s left that you didn’t meet your partner’s needs. So taking responsibility for your part in the split would go along way to helping you heal.”

    The part that made me react most was the reference to how my negative reaction to the current situation may affect my children’s ability to be happy themselves and to form helathy relationships. This for me, weighs enormously on my motivation to surpass myself and succeed in changing the way I see and react to my situation. The downside is it makes me feel guilty and again like a failure for not managing.

    Finally, this list gave me a lot to think about. It pushes the right buttons and homes on to really uncomfortable and hard things to achieve, but I want to explore them anyway.
    1. So can you please share with us what you wish to change about you?
    2. Why that change is important to you?
    3. What will life will be like for you and your children if you don’t make these changes?
    4. How will we know that your changes have been made?
    5. Plus when you imagine your future with a new you after these changes have been made what will life look like for you and the children.

    I’m sure other people would find / have found this helpful. Thanks again to Stephen, LFBA & you!

  2. Caroline…Being one of the participants…I found it very interesting. Obviously some differences in definition between Stephem and I, but overall it was a nice chat.
    It started out as simply an expression of an opinion and basic question about the nature of love and I never meant for it to get that involved so I apologize for taking up so much of your blog-space, but it seemed as if you wanted it to continue for awhile.
    Regardless, I hope some people were benefitted either in realization or amusement at the dialogue. I have had a few emails about it from some of my subscribers too and they were in general expressions of commonality of the struggles and realizations of the different parts of themselves.
    Peace to you and all your readers and thank you for letting it run for a bit.

    • I did. It was very informative – I only stopped it when I felt it had got a bit stuck!

      You never know another one may ‘kick off’ on another day! And I hope you won’t feel you can’t participate.

      Thank you!

  3. How do you know if what you are doing is working? It’s simple just look around and if you are not happy, or you are having an emotional reaction you don’t want, such as anger or frustration at others, then clearly what you are, or have been, doing is not working for you. Maybe now is your time to explore what change might be right for you.

    Thank you Caroline for hosting the chat, and may I say, well done to you for having the courage to discover what so many fear to do and that is to face your real fears and break through, you are an example to us all.

  4. Blimey – thank you both! 😉

    I’ve done what I’ve done as there really didn’t seem to be any other option! But I admit it took rather a long time to realise that! And I do still wobble. It’s still too fragile. It doesn’t take a lot to tip me the wrong way.

    Maybe strength comes with time.

  5. I think you are doing much better than can be expected. I think like me, the loss will never completely leave you, but your dealing with it will change. You have taken many positive steps and are Actively seeking resolution, while realizing it is a process and still allowing yourself to grieve and vent. This is probably the perfect way to handle all of this and I admire you.

    • Sorry LFBA – but expected by whom?? !!

      That feels a bit restricting to me – as though I should accept where I am now and not expect more! Rubbish! Come on now no more limiting statements like that. They’re not going to do me any good at all!!!

      • Expected as in what most people would have been able to accomplish. It was not meant as a limiting statement, rather that you are able to see the vision and accept that it is a journey. Realizing that there are hills and valleys along the way. Not that you do not expect more, but it seems to me that you are focusing on your own journey and not usually comparing it to others (which is also where a lot of people get hung up).

        What I saw in your staement “But I admit it took rather a long time to realise that!” was a self judgement that you should have gotten there sooner.
        I was only attempting to point out that I think you are doing well… better than most would do (expected) and that there really is no set time-line for things.

        Also though that you are realistic about the journey and that setbacks will happen so it appears to me by your general attitiude that you “accept” these as a part of the process and vow to move on.

        “I’ve done what I’ve done as there really didn’t seem to be any other option!”…..There are always other options. You have taken positive ones and those choices come from within you. This is what I admire.

        I think we can look at this exchange as an example of how two people can experience the intent of words differently!!

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