I have just returned from a life coaching session. One which has left me feeling dazed, surprised, happy, amazed, pleased and – well – bubbly!
That feeling which wells up inside when you know that now things can be different.
It was an intense session. Just as well I don’t wear mascara as I wouldn’t have had any left by the end! So yes – dear reader – lots of tears. Well actually more than tears – real sobbing.
I told Stephen that the problem I had was my relationship with me.
So the crying was necessary, necessary because finally I think I’ve understood! And with the understanding I do believe I’ve lost the fear!
And now I’m grinning as I write this! This is a totally amazing feeling. I don’t feel angry. I don’t feel unhappy and, more importantly, I don’t feel scared!
What I’ve just been through links in with last week’s session – which by the way seems a life time away. I’ve never known a week seem so long. But I’ve progressed from where that session finished. The “Warrior” in me is no more. It shouldn’t have been there in the first place. I think some women create ‘warriors’ within them when they’re pushed into masculine versions of themselves for whatever reason – be it survival, married to a weak man …….. probably loads of reasons. They’re quite easy to spot these women: The brittle survivor, or the fiercely independent (the way I was heading), not to mention the over active, even the forlornly determined I’m-OK-on-my-own-and-I-don’t-need-a-man type!!
Fine. Each to their own and providing each one of those can genuinely and honestly from the bottom of their heart say they love the place they are in and wouldn’t have it any other way, then good for them and I toast their happiness and their future.
But this wasn’t and isn’t enough for me. I wanted to hit my Green Button and really give myself a future totally free from fear, misery, depression or any other form of angst. I wanted to be girlie again – a feminine me. The one I had buried. The problem is I’d rather forgotten how! I knew I wasn’t living true to me, the person I felt I should be but stopping doing what clearly wasn’t working was so scary I didn’t dare. I felt far too vulnerable!
And I didn’t know what to do instead!
Well guess what dear reader I discovered something today. Allowing myself to show my vulnerable side is fine. In fact it’s more than fine. It’s great!! It’s actually much more powerful than hiding it. And realising that today has, I believe, removed the fear.
I can still protect myself by using the wise woman part of me. She can point me in the right direction and look after me and protect me, then the lover side of me can connect with the rest of the human race which in turn allows me to show how caring I am and then from this very safe place I can be girlie (my princess me), I can be vulnerable, I can be the me I was designed to be AND STILL FEEL SAFE, SECURE AND SUCCESSFUL – and amazingly loving.
And from this wonderfully safe place there is no fear.
From this amazingly secure place I can do anything! And probably with less effort and better results.
And by the way – that’s what I’m going to do!
At last I think I know how to hit my own personal Green Button.
The challenge I now have to stick to what I’ve learnt today. To consciously live by this and not deviate. This won’t be easy to start with and I shall probably have a few set backs. But I’m not going to focus on failure – I’m going to focus on success. Because what you focus on is what you get! And I have this post to refer to. Plus all my notes from today’s session. Plus Stephen to turn to when I get mixed up or start to deviate!
I will continue to be honest and post my progress. I’m not going to cheat me or this blog.
And from this amazing place today I invite anyone, including Stephen, to add their thoughts to this post!