Vulnerability is my key to success

I have just returned from a life coaching session.  One which has left me feeling dazed, surprised, happy, amazed, pleased and – well – bubbly!

That feeling which wells up inside when you know that now things can be different.

It was an intense session.  Just as well I don’t wear mascara as I wouldn’t have had any left by the end!  So yes – dear reader –  lots of tears.  Well actually more than tears – real sobbing.

I told Stephen that the problem I had was my relationship with me.

So the crying was necessary, necessary because finally I think I’ve understood!  And with the understanding I do believe I’ve lost the fear!

And now I’m grinning as I write this!  This is a totally amazing feeling. I don’t feel angry.  I don’t feel unhappy and, more importantly, I don’t feel scared!

What I’ve just been through links in with last week’s session – which by the way seems a life time away.  I’ve never known a week seem so long. But I’ve progressed from where that session finished.  The “Warrior” in me is no more.  It shouldn’t have been there in the first place.  I think some women create ‘warriors’ within them when they’re pushed into masculine versions of themselves for whatever reason  – be it survival, married to a weak man ……..  probably loads of reasons. They’re quite easy to spot these women: The brittle survivor,  or the fiercely independent (the way I was heading), not to mention the over active, even the forlornly determined I’m-OK-on-my-own-and-I-don’t-need-a-man type!!

Fine.  Each to their own and providing each one of those can genuinely and honestly from the bottom of their heart say they love the place they are in and wouldn’t have it any other way, then good for them and I toast their happiness and their future.

But this wasn’t and isn’t enough for me.  I wanted to hit my Green Button and really give myself a future totally free from fear, misery, depression or any other form of angst. I wanted to be girlie again – a feminine me.  The one I had buried.  The problem is I’d rather forgotten how!  I knew I wasn’t living true to me, the person I felt I should be but stopping doing what clearly wasn’t working was so scary I didn’t dare. I felt far too vulnerable!

And I didn’t know what to do instead!

Well guess what dear reader I discovered something today.  Allowing myself to show my vulnerable side is fine.  In fact it’s more than fine.  It’s great!!  It’s actually much more powerful than hiding it.  And realising that today has, I believe,  removed the fear.

I can still protect myself by using the wise woman part of me.  She can point me in the right direction and look after me and protect me, then the lover side of me can connect with the rest of the human race which in turn allows me to show how caring I am and then from this very safe place I can be girlie (my princess me), I can be vulnerable, I can be the me I was designed to be AND STILL FEEL SAFE, SECURE AND SUCCESSFUL – and amazingly loving.

And from this wonderfully safe place there is no fear.

From this amazingly secure place I can do anything! And probably with less effort and better results.

And by the way – that’s what I’m going to do!

At last I think I know how to hit my own personal Green Button.

The challenge I now have to stick to what I’ve learnt today.  To consciously live by this and not deviate.  This won’t be easy to start with and I shall probably have a few set backs. But I’m not going to focus on failure – I’m going to focus on success. Because what you focus on is what you get!  And I have this post to refer to. Plus all my notes from today’s session.  Plus Stephen to turn to when I get mixed up or start to deviate!

I will continue to be honest and post my progress.  I’m not going to cheat me or this blog.

And from this amazing place today I invite anyone, including Stephen, to add their thoughts to this post!

14 thoughts on “Vulnerability is my key to success

  1. This is really interesting and I can almost feel your enthusiasm in Scotland, as I read this. You should be rightly proud of yourself for working so hard.

    I’ve had a bit of a wobbly week and realised it’s ok to be vulnerable, might feel a bit scary and you have the courage to be who you are but in doing so you remain connected. If you’re keen to read about my lightbulb moment check out the post “Life is Messy” – not one of my better days, but hey, at least I was honest.

    I think it’s lovely that you share this stuff – really valuable. Thank you.

    • I think I’ve learnt that by allowing myself to be/show my vulnerability I’m going to be giving the men the chance to be men. I give my staff the chance to jump to the challenges which surround us at work. Finding they can do something to help the situation and that I will value their input is bringing out the best in them. And giving me the chance to show I care and want their help. We all win because we connect better.

      It feels right!

  2. Woo hoo!! this jumped off the screen “the problem I had was my relationship with me.”
    By far the single most important relationship we ever have is with our SELF … Yay for your epiphany.. 🙂 Cheers, MJ

  3. The biggest challenge most women suffering from fear face, is they don’t believe their security sits in their feminine vulnerability. To them vulnerability equals weakness. This is the biggest destructive illusion many women today face and is the cause of even more fear.

    Caroline discovered today step-by-step why the masculine energy within her was a big part of her problem and not the solution she thought.

    She discovered how to connect with the immense power of all her feminine selves and how they will work to not only keep her safer but free her from her fears and free her to live the life she has always desired.

    For anyone to go from near suicide to this place of security in her true feminine self is truly an amazing achievement.

  4. Mmmm, I am trying to see if this applies to me as I was also challenged with notion yesterday.

    But I fail to really see what it would mean for me. I am very much soldiering on is the way you describe, because what choice do I have?

    People expect things from me. I have a job to do, children to care for, a home to keep ticking, friends and family relationships to nurture. Worse, people expect me to move on, to stop dwelling on my grief and be back to functional.

    Living up to these expectations is too much for one person, and the only way to keep going is to be what Stephen calls masculine I guess. My feminine side would just curl up and cry otherwise, which would not be especially helpful…

    Maybe I got the completely wrong end of the stick on this… Dunno.

    Thanks for sharing anyway, it’s really helpful, as usual!

    • I rather hope Stephen might answer this one as the feeling for me is all too new to put into words in a way which explains it well.

      All I do know is that I can still be doer and run my life and my job. My home and all the things I have to do to make my life function but there’s been a shift in me which feels different to the way I felt before my life coaching session yesterday!


    • Hi Lady E

      If you feel the feminine within you would just curl up and cry then your chances of choosing the feminine are zero. So you can see clearly that your belief is choosing your behaviour. Caroline had the same belief that the feminine was weak until she learnt the truth..

      So Lady E you are not alone in thinking this way, but that belief is changing you to be what you are not and this will not feel good. Your day to day feeling will refect this.

      If we become something that helps us to not feel good, we are in conflict with ourselves and this automatically brings on low states and bouts of depression.

      That helps people to feel out of control and become more fearful.

      • Thank you Stephen…I think things are sort of trying to make sense, but I am a bit distracted by the masculine/feminine terminology (please humour me on this), which I see more as my soft and hard sides.

        So I guess the question may be can my softer side, which I do like best, still cope with the fairly harsh reality of bringing up two kids on your own while working and moving house?
        And if so, how?
        Ok, I’ll have to ponder some more 😉

  5. The First Test of the ‘new’ me came this morning at work when our HR lady (perhaps I should put lady in inverted commas!) decided to give me a public ticking off! Did I deserve it – no! Well definitely not in public! Was I being a tad over enthusiastic about the clearing up and sorting out – yes! Had I un-nerved 2 members of staff – well yes I had if I am honest!

    We were however resolving our issues without her intervention – in a fairly robust but nonetheless amicable way!

    So her intervention was un-necessary and uncalled for and the way she decided to wade in unbelievably un-professional. But also very masculine!!

    Now I know that pre-yesterday I would have got very defensive and we would probably have had a ‘row’! Today? Well today I don’t feel any need to defend myself. In fact I feel amazingly in charge of me! If she chooses to be un-professional (probably from a position of fear) then that’s her choice. I remained disarmingly cheerful and pleasant!

    The difference is incredible and so much more powerful than the masculine version of me who would have hauled out the warrior and fought!

    Do you know I actually believe “I’ve got it” ! I actually believe at long last I’ve understood.

    And without realising it I’m putting it into practice! I almost feel I’d like to thank her for doing what she did – for having given me the chance to test the new me! On second thoughts I won’t because she won’t understand and will presume her ticking off has ‘done the trick’ and was therefore, totally justified!! Which has made me giggle!

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