Words make a difference

My outlook on my day can totally change depending on the words I use either on this blog or just to myself!

Doh!  I can almost hear you saying, dear reader, ‘has she only just realised that’!!

But it’s amazing how I do this without realising.  On Wednesday Stephen (LC) picked me up for saying on this blog that I was – and I quote – mentally bracing myself for the past 3 weeks or so for the envelope to drop into my post box telling me I am now a divorced woman.

I got my knuckles metaphorically wrapped for saying something so negative which will keep me stuck.  (You see this Life Coaching is relentless – in a good way I hasten to add – as there’s no getting away with any type of  even slightly negative post without being challenged!!)

And I can see that saying what I did doesn’t actually put me in an empowering, positive, forward looking frame of mind – does it!

I did it again last night in an email to Stephen in reply to him about my goal setting (which I acknowledge hasn’t been that buzzy!) I responded with:

“It’s been enough today to keep reminding myself to stand tall!”  What’s spooky is he hasn’t said anything – which is almost worse!  I feel like a naughty schoolgirl who hasn’t been paying enough attention in class and is now producing mediocre homework!!

So I’m going to be much more careful in future and really consciously change what I say – either on this blog or to myself –  if I find I’m using ‘stuck’ words and use unstuck ones instead.

So I’ve changed my “bracing myself……” statement to:

“When my divorce papers finally land on the mat I’m going to have a party to celebrate the fact that my future is now mine to do with as I wish, with whoever I wish and my solicitor won’t be sending me any more bills!”

I am going to have a lovely weekend this weekend, as the weather is going to be good I believe so I can go out and about with my camera and capture some early autumn colours, make the most of my freedom as I’m working all weekend next weekend and enjoy the company of friends!

I am going to unstick myself this weekend!!

And just out of interest, dear reader,  what ‘stuck’ things do you say to yourself and what could you say instead?  And if you change what you say to yourself, what do you notice within you when you do?

I’d love to know so please do comment as I’m sure this is all good healing stuff and maybe we can help each other!

12 thoughts on “Words make a difference

  1. Definitely celebrate when you get those papers. I did, and it felt good. Breath a sigh of relief that you don’t have to deal with it any longer, and it’s at that point you can finally move on and make YOU happy.

    • Hi and welcome to my blog

      You are right. I’ve spent too long wishing for a different outcome that I almost believed I had to feel down about it – and I don’t have to – I can feel wonderful about it!!

      Thank you for sharing

      Caroline

  2. I think I was idling in neutral when my papers came. I filed them in the divorce folder. Today I have no idea where the divorce folder is. I’d already been knocked down and stomped. That piece of paper was anticlimactic to say the least. There’s no reason for it to be traumatic if you don’t want it to be.

  3. My divorce become final exactly 21 years after my marriage. I might be in a different space to you, I guess, because the whole separation/divorce process was a great relief to me, particularly the part where the ex had to do all the paperwork and I was just “served”. Had a huge party to celebrate!
    Using “stuck” words and phrases is a tough habit to break, but you’re on the right track – being aware is 90% of the cure, because, generally, you can pull yourself up and rephrase appropriately.
    Enjoy your freedom!

  4. Hi Caroline, I’ve heard it before and I think I’ve even mentioned it on my own blog, sometimes if you change the story you change how you feel about it too. Well in theory it sounds great, but does it really work in real life? If I tell myself now that I’m happy I’m divorced and I put that sentence on repeat, will I really be happy about it? Will I really all of a sudden want to “have a party to celebrate the fact that my future is now mine to do with as I wish, with whoever I wish…”

    I sure do hope it works for you. I think I’m too skeptic to even really try. Maybe thats what keeps me stuck. But here’s to hoping. Good luck!

    • I can’t say I’ll be happy to be divorced but what I want to be able to do is accept that I am and then not remain stuck. Stephen has been challenging me to change the words I use to give me more of a forward focus. He encourages me to dig deep and put a different slant on my everyday thoughts – see my Limbo Land post

      Maybe he’d like to add to my comments as he is the professional – not me!

  5. Yes where you direct your mind does have a massive affect on how you feel. You know this is true as you mirror emotions of those in pain or are happy.

    What most people don’t know is they are in control of this. They feel out of control of it because no one had taught them. Society teaches us to live in reaction and this creates fear. The words you use are therefore VERY POWERFUL!

    The mind will do what you ask of it, if you focus the mind on what’s wrong it will obey and give you buckets of information of what’s wrong.

    So your words become part of that focus. So be careful what you ask for, you might just get it!

    • It’s taking control and keeping control which is the key. I know this.

      It can be very challenging at times!!

      And that’s a fact! But when it works it really does work.

  6. Please teach me how.
    Do I just tell myself I’m happy even when I’m not.
    Or is it more about asking positive questions rather than negative ones such as What is good rather than bad in my new life, new situation etc. And how do I stop judging me? you know the questions I’m talking about : am i worhty, am i good enough, am i loveable?

    • The answer is to understand where within you, you live. Are you living in your head, or are you living in your heart.

      Your heart holds the truth for you, your head is a storage device for all your experiences.

      If you live in your head all it will give you is what you are focused on.

      So where are you living? Head or heart?

  7. Heart! Always heart.
    I know i should go with the logic, with my head. But i always get pulled by emotions, and feelings. My heart wants what it wants. And that feeling (though mostly irrational) is always stronger than anything else.

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