I know there are but it seems to be so few.
I’m beginning to wonder if mostly it’s a myth. After receiving the news yesterday evening from my older brother that he and his wife are splitting up as HE ‘hasn’t been happy for years’ I’m beginning to wonder if anyone these days actually understands how to keep marriages not just alive but buzzing.
Stephen you have one hell of a job as it seems that so many people just can’t be bothered .
When I suggested to my brother that he might consider getting help. He told me smartly that he didn’t want to make his marriage work. Well, actually, I’m not surprised. I would have been far more surprised if he had said the opposite! So he’s saying goodbye to 28 years of marriage so he can go off – on his own (so he says) – and live in Cornwall and sail the boat he’s built. He may find he’s rather lonely!
So do men these days just not know how to love – how to give – how to unbend and be passionate?
OK I’m looking at this from the side of being dumped and I know women are doing this too.
Well the news rather stopped me in my tracks. My giving value shot to the top of my values list and all I wanted to do was to rush round to my sister-in-law and give comfort and support. My brother telling me she was philosophical about it and accepting doesn’t bode well. She could be but I wouldn’t be so sure. I bet he has no idea how she is, what she’s feeling or what state she’s in. He’s too wrapped up in his own wishes. I know him!
So, Stephen – what’s happened in the world? That’s what I want to know. It seems so much has gone so spectacularly wrong when dealing with relationships. Has separation become so easy that no one bothers anymore? Why are we doing these dreadful things to each other? Have so many of us turned into selfish, uncaring people who no longer know how to work at anything that the state of marriage in its long term form is dead in the water?
Has the current throw-away society turned so many people into lost souls searching for their particular nirvana – that elusive solution to perfect happiness which the Ads tell them are theirs by rights – that they feel the only way is to ditch what they have in favour of something ‘greener over the horizon’. They’re not stopping in their headlong rush for what they seem to feel is theirs by rights. They hardly take a backward glance.
Have we forgotten how to improve things? Did we ever know?
I’ve always believed that the best things in life are worth fighting for. That’s one of the reasons (but not the main one) that I’ve found it so difficult to let go of my marriage. That’s how I was brought up – to work through issues and problems – but now both of my brothers have bolted from long term marriages (the younger one 10 years ago). So clearly the lessons and guidance I thought our parents gave us appear to have failed to sink in on either of my siblings.
But maybe I’m being too harsh. Maybe they just don’t have a clue on how to re-ignite the passion they had when they first married.
As I said at the start of this post. Life Coaches – like Stephen – have one large task on their hands.
Despite the differences my brother and I have over practically everything I found I wanted to help him/them and show them there is another way – and one which could be wonderful. I don’t have the tools, experience or skills to help. Yesterday I wish I had.