I’ve now seen two men go into emotional meltdown recently.
Although both are behaving quite differently there are some startling similarities.
In both cases it seems on the surface (which I suppose is the only thing I’ve been allowed to see) there has been a startling personality shift. Not in a good way but a bad way.
Their negative characteristics (and let’s face it we all have them!!) have become exaggerated to an alarming degree.
So in the case of Alex his wish to run, dither, be sullen, sheepish, hide etc has become his modus operandi.
In the case of H – he’s become angry, petulant and irritated with the world and those in it
These versions of themselves they are living in have taken over to the total exclusion of everything else – when dealing with any form of relationship. They’ve both ‘lost control’ of themselves.
Interestingly both seem to be able to function perfectly well on a day-to-day level with no apparent sign of a problem. It’s only when the raw, exposed nerve of emotions is touched that the instant explosion happens. And it is instant. They switch from being rational human beings to being completely out of control.
And from this place they have or are taking decisions which will have (or have had) a fundamental effect on the rest of their lives – and their partners.
This is what I find so scary. And very sad. Because – I imagine – if both could work through these destructive versions of themselves, understand them and deal with the reasons behind them then they might find they were a great deal happier being in their own skins and enjoy the beauty of the relationships they have both squandered.
I just wonder what caused them both to ‘self-destruct’ in such a ‘violent’ way. To make them want to lash out at all that is familiar and destroy it in their attempts to find happiness. Talk about a cry for help. That’s what it seems to me.
Maybe – one day – they’ll both see that. Sadly, in my case, too late for retrieving the life Alex and I had. It’s not too late for my brother but someone very strong would need to make him see that. And it would need to be someone he respected – and right now he doesn’t respect anyone – least of all himself.