Time….. for what

Yesterday I had a somewhat hectic day.  Not assisted by the fact that I couldn’t be bothered to get up at normal ‘getting up time’.  I wandered about in a “I deserve not to do anything” frame of mind which then suddenly catapulted me into over activity as it  dawned on me at 10.00 am that I had friends turning up for coffee at 1100 before which I needed to make a dash to the local town for more fishnet tights, get food and run the friendly gauntlet of the village High Street (which would – and did –  want to comment either on what on earth had come over my brother or what’s happening with the waring factions of my butcher landlady and her husband).

The 1100 coffee with Alex’s best friend and wife was a welcome relief for a couple of hours.  Alex hasn’t contacted them for over a year. Which, of course, gave me a chance to elaborate on what is still a rather popular topic of conversation for me and his friends.  I am getting less emotional about it now though!

I then dashed off to a wedding.  Left it at 5.45 before the food had been served but with a platter of sandwiches to keep me going!  Then on to the stage at 8.00 to inflict another performance on the unsuspecting locals!!  I got to bed at 1.30am

The point of all this is that at no point yesterday did I have a nano-second of time to actually brood or be bored or wonder how I was feeling!

Clearly though I can’t run my life at this pace!  I need to be able to have me time – peaceful time – where I am content with my own company and don’t spend it stamping over the past, over analyzing, wishing, wanting…. and all the other crap I have to fight against on a constant effort of concentration against feeling sorry for myself!

So – as Stephen’s (LC)  words haunt me!  I need GOALS!

G O A L S  – I’ve been wittering on about this for ages!  My posts are littered with the concept (sorry for all the repetition!). The word looms large in my mind.  This strong feeling that I need to do something about them! I seem to dream the damn word. It niggles at the back of my mind.  Falls into every day conversation either at work or with friends.  It’s a great word!  It just won’t leave me alone!!  My ability to write about the concept – far too frequently – is great.

I rather think I need to DO!

3 thoughts on “Time….. for what

  1. The odd full-on day, which takes your mind off everything else is quite nice, but as you rightly said, it’s also important to have some time to sleep, breathe, paint your nails without feeling lonely or wanting as you put it.
    I struggle to keep a balance with all these things too. I’m chronically too busy, but whenever I’m not, I tend to not feel so happy.
    Looking forward to hearing about these goals. Could they just need the time to take shape in your mind without you consciously thinking about it? x

  2. I’m the same as Lady E, I am Chronically busy, and I like it, because like you said, you don’t have time to think. I constantly run myself to the bone just so I don’t have time to think, and then eventually I crash, My Crohns acts up or my emotions get the best of me. We all need time to ourselves! Take care of yourself and work on those goals! Don’t let your mind get the best of you though!

  3. Busy is good. I did busy today and managed to avoid thinking about anything unpleasant. I’m trying really hard to embrace my “aloneness.” Sometimes I love it and sometimes, especially at night, I hate, hate, hate it. I think you’re right about goals. I started on a new short-term one today and it helped a lot. I’m thinking about you.

    Hugs to you. xxx

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